PUNisher (geddit?)

Wonderous Item, Very Rare(tm), Instrument (requires atTUNEment)

This weapon counts as a longsword. It has 1d8 charges and regains 1d8 each one date.

When you hit with this weapon, instead of rolling damage you can instead expend a charge to make a pun. The DM decides how much damage the attack does depending on how good the pun is.

You can expend all the charges at once to force the table to laugh at one joke you tell within the next 10 minutes.

Breeches of Confidence

Wonderous Item, Pretty Common tbh, requires atunement

This item is pants. While wearing these pants you feel great, but it's your little secret.

Milksword

Magical Wheypon, Legendairy

This weapon takes on a liquid form that can be reshaped into any melee weapon, taking on the stats of whatever weapon it is, and has 12 charges (13 if your character is a baker).

As an action, you may expend one charge to do any of the following:

• Pour the weapon into a bowl of cereal
• Add a shot of espresso to the weapon (you now feel energised)
• Combine butter and flour into a simple roux, then add the weapon over heat while stirring vigorously

Additionally, when you hit a creature that is lactose intolerant with this weapon, it must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or shit its pants.

The weapon regains 1d12 charges every time you milk a cow.