Contents

 

 

Preface

This is a book about Sex Goblins and Communist Dragons.

Actually … the majority of the book is
about things unrelated to Sex Goblins
and Communist Dragons. In fact, it mostly focuses on the myriad citizens of the strange and wonderful world of Basilica.

This is a book about Sex Goblins, Communist Dragons, and perhaps another dozen unique races and characters.

Except … a big chunk of the content is just about bizarre D&D mechanics and confusing NPCs.

This is a book about Sex Goblins, Communist Dragons, a whole lot of other races, weird D&D mechanics, and a whole lot of poorly defined NPCs.

Well, okay, not quite. Because a significant amount of time is spent talking about the ‘economics’ of magical cities, the implications of secret sex organs, and time travel.

This is a book about Sex Goblins, Communist Dragons, some other people, bad D&D rules, tons of upsetting NPCs, economics, sex organs, and time travel.

Oh … and Chuck Wasabi.

This is a book about Sex Goblins, Communist Dragons, other folks, bad rules, way too many NPCs, economics, sex organs, time travel, and Chuck Wasabi.

But honestly that only scratches the surface of what this book is about. We haven’t even mentioned any of the esoteric geography, the spots where we forgot what a hectare was, and that whole section about Karl Marx as an Arch Lich.

Also Mount Asshole, the Mage Cage, Conchie and the Cocaine Factory, the Big Gay, the difference between Humans and People, that whole planet covered in
trains for some reason, and the Kobolds’ ongoing
war against sexism.

…

This is a book.

It was written as a gift for a friend, the original author of these ideas, who compiled the entirety of this world across 39 pages of notes written in a single night.

We hope you enjoy.

PREFACE

 

 

Welcome to Basilica

What am I even doing now? I have stuff to do and I am instead coming up with AWFUL jokes and plot points as I go trough random lists.

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

Conceptual Bedrock

Basilica is a world of unlikely coincidence. Whereas most fantastical worlds are built with a clear intention in mind—born from divine mathematics, sculpted by a creator deity, or any other countless possible origins—Basilica is a byproduct of the creative process itself.

Imagine a bookshelf containing every story that has or could be written. Basilica is the space between those books. It lives and grows in the dusty corners beneath the shelves. Its foundations are cobwebs, a structure built from narrative neglect.

Every idea forgotten before it reached paper, every cut character and abandoned first draft, all of these lost things scattered across platonic space eventually accumulate at the ‘lowest possible’ conceptual point.

That point is Basilica. The deepest depths of the creative realm, the conceptual bedrock upon which all other stories stand.

It is there that our world is born.

Pancakes & Stockpiles

The world of Basilica has fairly unusual geography. The majority of the world is arranged in vertical ‘stacks’ (similar to a stack of pancakes), with different cultures and environments scattered across the various layers. This structure in its entirety is known locally as ‘the stockpile’.

The stockpile can be segmented in various ways. There are six distinct layers, five habitable, with civilizations both on, and between, each of the levels. The stack is further divided by a central, spherical body of water between the third and fourth layers.

Water originates at the top layer and flows downward, with the levels growing more arid as you descend. Weather typically affects multiple layers, for example, a storm on one layer might be the result of water falling from the layer above.

The stockpile has no seasonal cycle. Daily temperature varies randomly on a bell curve centered at room temperature. Inclement conditions rarely last for more than a few days.

Basilica has no specific source of light. Instead, ambient light suffuses the stockpile without an apparent source, brightening and dimming to simulate a day-night cycle. It is brightest at the top, and gradually dims towards the bottom. The light casts shadows downward and inward regardless of location.

Basilica has stars, but the stockpile is believed to be the only celestial body present in the endless void. The lights seen in the night sky are cast by the distant lanterns of humongous fireflies. They move slowly, but the constellations can be seen shifting and flowing if watched long enough.

The stockpile is collectively suspended above the bottommost layer. This layer is a massive and ominous portal, a shifting and shimmering vortex of light, from which nothing returns. At this point ambient light is nearly nonexistent, leaving the portal as the primary source of illumination.

Welcome to Basilica

 

 

Daily Life in Basilica

Certain aspects of daily life in Basilica remain the same across the entire stockpile. Anyone native to this world would be familiar with these basic facts of their environment.

Currency

None of the nations of Basilica mint their own coins. All regions will accept gold, silver, and copper coins, though the origin of this currency is currently unknown. They are essentially a non-renewable economic resource.

The Technovores use a separate currency, known as bitcoin, which has begun to spread across Basilica. One bitcoin is roughly equivalent to 389 gp.

Technology

The level of technology varies wildly depending on your location in the stockpile. However, the norm in Basilica is generally consistent with the technologies found in the Player’s Handbook.

Calendar and Time

Basilica has no calendar.

A day is one full light cycle. Each day has 24 hours, each hour has 60 minutes, and each minute has 60 seconds.

A week is 7 days, a month is 4 weeks, and a year is 12 months. These units are measurements, there are no objective months or years. Events are referred to as a certain number of years, months, or days from the present moment.

Basilican timekeeping is for reference only.

A clock has a single hand, which completes a full rotation every hour.

The present year is now, the current day is today.

Languages

All the typical languages found in the Player’s Handbook and the Monster Manual are present in Basilica.

This setting has a single language unique to the cultures of Basilica: Babblespeech. The primary speakers of this language are the ROHOs, though a character can learn this language instead of a skill or tool proficiency granted by their background, class, or variant racial traits.

Babblespeech. This ancient language is believed to be the oldest spoken dialect of Basilica. Now only natively spoken by the ROHOs, Babblespeech can be found on many ancient ruins and artifacts.

Welcome to Basilica

 

 

Chapter 1 | Stories of Basilica

 

 

Chapter 1: Stories of Basilica

Oh yeah, before I forget, did I end up going into detail about…….Shit……I forgot.

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

Manifold History

Rumor has it that history is written by the victors. Whether Basilica has no history or no victors is up to interpretation; either way, written history is a concept with little bearing on our world. Not because of a scarcity of written records, mind you—rather there are far too many different, contradictory accounts of world history. In many cases even empirical study will give evidence for wildly different histories depending on the section of the stockpile investigated.

This may seem confusing, but that is only if one foolishly believes that two mutually exclusive things cannot coexist simultaneously.

Once rid of this absurd notion, the history of Basilica becomes vastly more intelligible. While there may not be any single “true” history, we will present here one possible interpretation of the origins of this world. However, we encourage DMs to freely make things up as they go along—retroactively weaving it into the lore of the world later.

Myth of Sculpture

Dismay gripped the sculptor’s heart as the clay line broke yet again. Crouching in the shallows of the world-ocean, he prepared to start over, but stopped when he noticed a most marvelous thing: the clay had caught onto a floating droplet of water which was now holding the two broken pieces together. He pondered the nobility of the water which now worked to coax the clay back into its intended form.

After a moment of thought he decided to aid the droplet. From the heavens he wove a rope to hold the clay in place, and created the first people to protect it.

As time passed, the tension between the two clumps of clay grew so strong that each end of the rope became the peak of a great mountain. As he worked to mend the layers he noticed something peculiar: another was working against him, poking holes in his connections and trying to sabotage his work. In a righteous fury, he snatched this new creature from his creation. So startled was the intruder that it dropped its wicked chisel, within whose shadow the first goblins rose.

As he sought through each of the previous layers, the sculptor wept over the work of the intruder—rivers of poison, shattered mountains, landforms kicked into an erratic orbit.

He turned to the intruder to ask, “WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?“

The intruder replied quickly. “THIS IS KIND OF MY WHOLE DEAL.”

Hearing this sent him into a blind rage—this was why his creations had been breaking? In an act of spite he froze the murky waters at the bottom of his creation and prepared to exile the intruder there.

Thinking quickly, the intruder asked: “ARE WE NOT EACH ENTITLED TO PURSUE OUR OWN PURPOSE? IF I AM TO BE BANISHED FOR MY ACTIONS, SHOULD YOU JOIN ME FOR YOUR RECKLESS ACTS OF CREATION?”

The sculptor paused. The intruder was correct, and in an act of pity the sculptor instead shaped a new layer, where the intruder could do as it pleased, far from his creation. To ensure that it was kept safe, he twisted a spiral from the next lowest layer, to serve as a siphon for magical energy. This prevented the intruder from creating his own magical beings for millions of years at a time. But the intruder was patient. When the first drop reached its layer, the intruder seized the opportunity and dug up from its layer back into the sculptor’s creation.

The sculptor watched sadly as his enemy once again began perverting his creation; creating planets locked into never-ending war, doomed to an existence of permanent conflict. He silently snatched the intruder from where it stood, and cast it off into the darkness of nonexistence.

The sculptor returned to the terrible new planets and once more pity guided his hand. He separated the warring races across two planets, and linked them together with his patented rope in the hope that one day they would both prosper.

He looked over his beautiful creation and wept for how it had been damaged. Three tears fell to the layers below, the first creating lakes and rivers across the world, the second purifying the new water, and the third breathing life into the stone—filling his world with creatures that could appreciate it.

With this last act, he could no longer bring himself to work, and left the sculpture to grow and develop without further interference.

Chapter 1 | Stories of Basilica

 

 

Pantheon of Basilica

Basilica, naturally, has an endless variety of religions. These beliefs are typically passed directly from generation to generation without ever forming a central text or set of tenets.

Due to the nature of Basilica, you are free to alter, supplement, or completely change the gods in your campaign to fit your needs. The domains and provinces listed are the likely choices for clerics, warlocks, and followers of each entity, but these are not the only options, and many other domains can be attributed to your preferred deity. Talk with your DM about how to best dress your domain or pact choice to fit within the philosophies and commandments of your patron deity.

Unique Religions

While the available pantheons are vast, there are a few systems of worship that developed natively on Basilica. While these are exclusive to Basilica, they are not necessarily the most common religions you may encounter.

Booberry, the Spirit of Berries

The Spirit of Berries is a religious figure that signifies the mystique of the harvest and the unseen forces that govern our lives. Its followers believe in the power of the paranormal and the sweetness of cereal, which they associate with the ghostly apparition known as Boo Berry. They claim that by communing with the spirit of this elusive entity, they can tap into the supernatural energies that shape the world around us, and maybe also get some cereal.

This practice is generally only found in small villages and isolated communities scattered across the stockpile. Outsiders are welcomed to join in their traditions, but only the initiated are allowed to participate in the most sacred rituals.

Depiction. The Spirit of Berries is most often depicted as a spectral blue phantom, with a weary but kind visage. It is generally also adorned with a simple hat and bowtie, usually in shades of red and yellow.

Holy Day. Old Home Day is a celebration that takes place when the first harvest of a new crop is gathered. It is a time when followers gather in fields of berries to perform rituals and commune with the spirits of the harvest.

Commandments:

• Embrace the unknown. The mysteries of life are what make it worth living.
• Be kind to your neighbors. Everyone deserves a chance to connect with the supernatural forces that shape our world.
• Honor the harvest. Berries are gifts from the spirit, and should be cherished and respected.

Cat Soup, Drombian God of War

The banner of generations of drombian warriors, Cat Soup claims dominion over righteous warfare. Her followers claim that she led the first drombians to victory in the great tomato wars. They believe that it was by her hand that world was plucked from the great tomato plant and plunged into the brine from which all life emerges. Those who seek courage, domination, and ketchup are drawn to her worship, seeking victory in both combat and culinary warfare.

Depiction. Worshipers of Cat Soup often leave tomatoes on their window-sills as a way to ward off evil spirits. Drombian warriors carry battle standards depicting a tomato clutched in the fist of a mighty warlord.

Holy Day. Cat Soup’s holy day is La Tomantina; a festival occuring the day after a great battle. Participants celebrate their victory by lobbing tomatoes at their defeated enemies, and engaging in friendly tomato fights between allies.

Commandments

• Everyone is welcome at our table. Exclusive spaces only serve to drag the community down.
• Great people should be championed. Merit is the measurement by which we determine our leaders.
• Numquam concedere; never give up. Through courage we may conquer all.

Chapter 1 | Stories of Basilica

 

 

Communism, the State Breaker

Communism is primarily practiced by the aptly named Communist Dragons. While the Communist Dragons’ original revolution against their system of capitalism was enacted under the banner of the political ideology of communism, with time this movement was overtaken by religious fanatics. The modern followers of Communism are almost entirely dragons, though a few independent temples of worship can be found throughout the other layers of the stockpile.

Depiction. The visage of the Arch Lich Karl Marx is often seen emblazoned on crests and tapestries. Statues and classical artwork often depict a towering, stoic figure standing strong against overwhelming numbers.

Holy Day. Communists recognize Friday as their official holy day. This day is treated as a celebration of freedom from compelled labor. Sadly, because Basilica lacks a calendar (and by extension days of the week), this practice is vanishingly rare.

Commandments

• Care for the collective property, as well as the multiplying of this property.
• High consciousness of the social responsibilities, and intolerance to the violation of the social interests.
• Intolerance to the enemies of communism, peace and freedom of peoples of the world.

Devotees of Divine Geometry

While most see math as a mere tool, the Devotees of Divine Geometry hold it sacred, believing that the very fabric of the universe is woven with equations and geometries. This pantheon is built upon the idea that mathematical constants and principles are the true deities, governing the cosmic balance.

Temples built by the Devotees serve as centers of education and learning. They attract scholars from across the stockpile who work together to further unravel the mathematical underpinings of reality.

Depiction: Symbols like the golden ratio spiral, the infinity loop, and fractals are sacred icons. Temples are architectural marvels, showcasing intricate patterns and mathematical harmonies.

Holy Day: The Devotees revognize Pi Day, celebrated with circular rituals and the reciting of Pi to as many decimal places as one can remember.

Commandments:

• Seek truth in numbers, for they do not deceive.
• Preserve the sanctity of geometric spaces, for they are the dwelling places of the divine.
• Strive for balance and symmetry in all aspects of life, reflecting the universe’s natural order.

Chapter 1 | Stories of Basilica

 

 

Khrysaoreus, the Golden Sword

Khrysaoreus is revered by charlatans, storm mages, and nobles alike. He is a symbol of passion and power, guiding those with a strong will, regardless of what that will points them towards. He is known to regularly sire children with mortals, these offspring living grand, but tragically short lives.

His people worship at small personal temples, built of marble and trimmed with gold. Excess and gaudy fashion are common among followers.

Basket-making has a bizarre prominence amongst the faithful, though this is believed by some to be a mistranslated practice, its original meaning now lost.

Depiction. Khrysaoreus is depicted as a regal man, with a powerful build and a dark beard. Storms crackle behind his eyes, flickering lighting coming in waves of rolling thunder. Statues often show him holding a sword in one hand and a freshly-made basket in the other.

Holy Day. Adherents celebrate a holy week, beginning with the birth of a new demigod. Over the course of the week, the child grows into maturity and leads worshippers in a celebration of revelry and vice, before succumbing to old age and dying on the seventh day.

Commandments

• Embrace passion and power in equal measure.
• Stand in awe of nature’s tumult, seeing in it the dance of divinity.
• Cherish the offspring of the gods, for in them lies a power yet untapped.

The Storm Shepherds

The Storm Shepherds are a minor divine court primarily worshipped by inhabitants of the City in the Sky. They have a connection with the natural order of the sky, and frequently attract druids and rangers to their faith.

Their temples are often atop towering spires or floating platforms, where the air dances freely.

Depiction. Ethereal and radiant, these deities are usually depicted as beings with elongated limbs, feathers adorning their forms, and faces that shift like the ever-changing patterns of the wind.

Holy Day. Devotees have no specific holy day, but regularly release lanterns, kites, and balloons into the sky as offerings, hoping to catch the attention of the air gods.

Commandments:

• Be as the steadfast tree, bending but not breaking when faced with life’s turbulent winds.
• Gaze upon the clouds, for within their ever-changing forms lie omens and messages from the divine.
• Seek balance in all things, as the sky finds harmony with the land below.

Chapter 1 | Stories of Basilica

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

Chapter 2: Factions & Leaders

The foreshadowing that this could bring alone would bring even the most experienced of authors to an orgaasm.

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

Upon the canvas of Basilica, a vibrant tapestry of power and ambition weaves its pattern. As diverse as the landscape are the factions that stake their claims within it, their tendrils of influence reaching out in a complex dance of alliance and adversity. From the heights of the ruling powers to the hidden depths of covert societies, each group vies for control, shaping the world with their actions and desires. This intricate mosaic provides a fertile ground for adventurers, those willing to navigate the labyrinth of loyalties and rivalries in their quest for greatness.

Auswahl

One would be hard pressed to find a layer in Basilica without an offshoot of the Auswahl. A shadow empire grown through secret installations and a network of barracks for its engineered soldiers, the Auswahl enacts its influence by cavorting in the shadows.

The Auswahl’s might is founded on the principles of eugenics—its ranks are composed of genetically engineered soldiers, specifically tailored for their role on the battlefield. These soldiers are generally divided into two main groups:

The Finches are the pinnacle of the Auswahl’s physical prowess. Nearly perfect genetic specimens, these warriors are born with natural weaponry spliced into their DNA before birth. They are imbued with tremendous strength and agility, at the expense of higher-level intelligence. Obedient to orders above even their own self preservation, they are dispatched and disposed of without restraint—all in the name of furthering the Auswahl’s goals.

The Micro-Pensie are perhaps the most invaluable tool in the Auswahl’s arsenal. Around the size of a mote of dust, these genetically engineered super-spies provide the Auswahl with panopticon surveillance of every nook and cranny throughout the stockpile. They communicate and perceive through chemical signaling, meaning that their particular mode of observation could most accurately be likened to a long-range sense of taste.

The Auswahl’s society has an ingrained system of collectivism. Its myriad ‘citizens’ know from birth that their highest purpose is in service of their community. All are expected to give their lives in support of their objectives, no matter how trivial the assignment.

Goals

The Auswahl follows a guiding principle of genetic purity. They follow iterative development of ever more complex genomes, with the goal of breeding a new deity. By allowing the gods a passage back into this world, they could reconstruct Basilica as an eternal paradise.

In the face of these stakes, the loss of a few mortal lives is insignificant. Any sacrifice in this life is worth redemption in the next.

Relationships

The Auswahl is currently locked into an uneasy deadlock with the Smiley Gang. As two groups simultaneously operating in secret, the Auswahl and the Smilies often butt heads over new and shifting territories. Though the Smileys continue to abduct their soldiers, the Auswahl’s inescapable observation allows swift and devastating counterattacks.

While the groupthink of the Auswahl is nearly impenetrable, beneath the surface, unrest has begun to brew among the most intelligent manufactured soldiers. The Micro-Pensie, in constant communion with the outside world, have begun to take notice of other factions and developed goals of their own. While outright revolt is unlikely, unsanctioned dealings may soon become commonplace.

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

Figures of Interest

Leadership in the Auswahl is concentrated at the top, with a single figure guiding the movement of an entire society.

Darwin-Hitler Hybrid

Lawful evil, male human

Bearing a striking resemblance to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Charles Adolf ‘The Pebble’ Darwin-Hitler, known colloquially as Darwin-Hitler, is a hybrid of the historical figures Charles Darwin and Adolf Hitler. A tyrant of the cruel principles of both eugenics and natural selection, he uses his control of the Auswahl and its soldiers to further his own goals of genetic perfection. Having clawed his way out of the Mage Cage and into notoriety, he fears a fall from power and a return to the pits from whence he came.

Ur Mom Cult

The Ur Mom Cult is considered to be one of the oldest institutions in Basilica. As long as strife and conflict have plagued the stockpile, this group has been there to stoke the flames.

The formidability of this group arises from their ability to freely exchange usable abilities between able members and their untouchable leader. Attacking any member of the Cult means facing the full might of their forces in return.

The Cult operates under a strict hierarchy of power. Individual groups are referred to as ‘posses’, with a single leader given the honorific ‘Gaylord’. A collection of posses is overseen by a ‘Big Gaylord’, who directs and manages their actions on any given layer. At the top of the power structure sits the ‘Top Gay’, responsible for issuing orders to Big Gaylords across the entire stockpile.

Goals

The overarching goal of the Cult has always been to capture and weaponize the legendary artifact known as the ‘Big Gay’. All Cult activities inevitably circle back to the search for, and pursuit of, this item and its wielders.

Relationships

The Cult is known to be painfully isolationist, making alliances or even direct communication with the outside world a rarity.

Despite this sequestering, attempts are still made to dispatch cultists to spy on other groups. Unfortunately, their cultural elitism is generally a dead giveaway, meaning the effective lifetime of any given spy is measured in days, if not hours.

The Cult’s primary goal of capturing the Big Gay has been enabled by the continual acquisition of new power.

With the discovery of the Sex Goblin’s magical organs, a great deal of the Cult’s military reserves have been dedicated to the kidnapping of Sex Goblins and harvesting of their magically imbued internals.

Figures of Interest

While individual membership of the Cult is generally kept under hush and key, their leader is a widely recognized public figure.

The Top Gay

Chaotic neutral, male human

The leader of the Ur Mom Cult, referred to as the ‘Top Gay’, is a tremendous force of political might. A prolific public speaker, his public addresses are broadcast across the entire stockpile; a constant reminder to those outside his cult who exactly they have to contend with should they oppose his goals.

The Smiley Gang

A diverse group of characters that seem to know far more than they should. The Smiley Gang got their name from the state of eternal bliss offered to those who join their ranks, willingly or otherwise.

Their leader is in possession of an artifact which allows them to psychically connect to their followers, issuing orders or simply providing information.

The Smileys recruit new members by indiscriminately kidnapping people, before using a combination of drugs and brainwashing to align them with the gang’s goals.

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

Goals

The public assumption is that the Smileys have no real goals. Most assume they are simply a force of malice and chaos; yet another plague inflicted on the stockpile. In reality, the Smiley Gang, while motivated by self-interest, provides an irreplaceable service to the Basilican public.

Their leaders have discovered that the mechanism keeping the stockpile from collapsing into the Ominous Portal requires a constant sacrifice of sentient magical creatures. These people must be repeatedly sacrificed within the Mountain Fountain or the entire stockpile will be allowed to fall into the portal’s maw, never to be seen again.

Relationships

The Smiley Gang is considered to be in direct conflict with nearly every other faction in the stockpile. Their random abduction of any and all magical creatures has painted them as a menace to the public, and a constant drain of resources to the leaders.

A notable exception to this rule is the Fallen. For reasons unknown, the Smileys rarely, if ever, kidnap members of this small community. Furthermore, there have been rumors of the Smiley Gang providing resources or protection to the Fallen in times of hardship.

The Smiley Gang is known to recruit cambion warriors from the Mage Cage to function as their ruthless executioners. The entrancing bliss the Gang instills in their ranks intertwines flawlessly with the cambions’ own methods of subterfuge and control, creating a potent alliance steeped in intimidation and dread.

Figures of Interest

The leader of the Smiley Gang is an enigmatic figure known only as ‘Psydude’. In his rare few public appearances, he has always been clad in an ornate and concealing robe, providing no hint as to his features. Even his voice has been magically distorted to prevent any guesses towards his identity.

The truth is that Psydude is actually two different people working in tandem to run the Smiley Gang. His claims of being from another world, dismissed as ideological propaganda by most, are in fact true. Their origin is cloaked in mystery, but the pair clearly seem to possess an uncanny understanding and knowledge of the inner workings of Basilica.

Kyle Oliver Brown

Neutral good, male human

One half of the entity known as Psydude. Kyle is a traveler from beyond the veil. He dreams of a previous life on a planet known as ‘Earth’, where the Smiley Gang originated. Moreover, he maintains the belief that he was partially responsible for the creation of this entire reality. While this claim may appear ridiculous, the foreknowledge he has demonstrated may paint a different picture. While he wishes to return home, the power he and Trevor have in Basilica provides a tempting alternative.

Trevor James Martell

Chaotic neutral, male human

The second half of the entity known as Psydude. Trevor is a traveler from another world. His dreams of life on Earth mysteriously paint himself and Kyle Brown as the creators of this world. Most disturbingly, he has repeatedly described details of the world currently unknown to anyone but himself and Kyle, which have later been discovered by independent parties. Trevor may take the opportunity to return home if possible, but he would be loath to give up the life he and Kyle have created for themselves.

The Fallen

There exists a shared dream, a delusion of a world—a life—before Basilica. On occasion, an idle mind can inadvertently allow this dream to sneak into reality. Among the afflicted, this moment is known as ‘The Fall’.

These individuals find their minds spontaneously overwritten with memories of an alternate past life, a life which they have suddenly been pulled away from. For all intents and purposes, they have been dropped

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

into a strange new world, and must relearn the skills needed to survive in the stockpile.

Many of these people have congregated in a single location to form a community reminiscent of their old homes. They attempt to create a regular life here, but their replaced memories make this a ceaseless struggle.

Many can only think of what is and will be lost. Some try to reconstruct their fictional lives, mimicking home layouts they can barely remember and seeking partners whose faces remind them of lost loved ones.

They were cast into the abyss, and this is where they landed. There is no going back.

Sex Goblins

An endemic species of Basilica, the sex goblins are widely considered to be one of the first civilizations to have developed within the stockpile. Similar to hornets, the sex goblins are organized into a swarm hierarchy, with the work of the many serving to provide for the queen.

In sex goblin society, the measure of clout an individual wields is determined by sexual prowess, with strict rules of respect between different classes. The highest ranking sex goblins are true savants of lovemaking, revered and deferred to by all others.

Goals

The obsession with respect held by sex goblin culture extends beyond the walls of their home. They resent the ridicule that they receive from other races, and respond with a disproportionate level of retribution.

Internally, the primary motivation of sex goblin society is to provide for and elevate the status of their mysterious queen.

Relationships

The sex goblins and the communist dragons share an intense rivalry dating back to before written memory. The two are almost always locked into a fierce combat of some variety, with frequent ratification and immediate violation of peace treaties and trade agreements forged between the two.

Despite this animosity, there are still breakaway factions of the sex goblins that view the communist dragons and their leader as figures of worship. This devotion is generally met with vague discomfort, though the erotic nature of their worship is quite a sight to behold.

The sex goblins are locked in active warfare with the Ur Mom Cult. Though the sex goblins—unaware of the power of their magical organs—fail to understand why the Cult is kidnapping their citizens, they still respond with a ferocity unexpected of such small, hedonistic creatures.

Figures of Interest

Rulership in sex goblin society is held entirely by the Queen Sex Goblin, the top of a rigid hierarchy.

Shrek Pendragon

Chaotic neutral, male dwarf

A remarkably persuasive dwarf, originally named Shrek, now referred to as the Queen Sex Goblin. His identity is a secret to all but the most high ranking members of the sex goblin hierarchy. He looks absolutely fantastic in a chainmail bikini. Shrek has few desires beyond hedonism and rulership, generally allowing the governance of his fiefdom to be handled by his harem of advisors and companions.

The Gargantuan Gay

A giant in its own right, the Gargantuan Gay is a terrifying myth which has spread through the stockpile like wildfire.

In reality, this being exists as a monument to discontentment. The rage of a single disenfranchised has grown powerful enough to engulf the world. This rejection of the established order struck a chord with many, and in doing so, they were brought within its fold.

While weak on their own, together they may rival, or someday even topple, some of Basilica’s oldest and greatest evils.

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

The Gargantuan Gay

Neutral evil, multigendered collective

The Gargantuan Gay is a horrifying Cronenberg-esque monstrosity attempting to mimic the power of the Big Gay by forcibly absorbing people into its collective group-mind; probably a metaphor for politics.

Communist Dragons

Any civilization worth its salt will inevitably foster malcontents. Under normal circumstances these revolutionary flare ups are easily and quietly extinguished. But with the right leader, the right blend of economic optimism and religious fury, these sparks of rebellion can blossom into wildfires of social reform.

This is the case with the communist dragons. Originally a minor offshoot of dragon society led by Karl Marx, the original rebellion was an abject failure.

But following Marx’s resurrection, the movement grew in power and influence before rolling over its old society, crushing their culture into the dirt and scrubbing their names from the ledgers of history.

Little is now known of this original society of dragons, so thoroughly were they usurped by the current generation of second-wave resurrectionist communist dragons.

The modern society exists as a nebulous web of different power blocs, with societal pull determined by economic influence. The strongest groups are juggernauts of productivity and social focus, second only to the Arch Lich Karl Marx himself.

Goals

While the communist dragons may have taken great pains to convert or eliminate all opposing factions of their own society, this concern seems not to spread beyond their own species. While they make no effort to hide the successes of their economy, they are largely uninterested in boosting others to their supposedly benevolent beliefs.

Relationships

The Communist Dragons and the Sex Goblins share a history steeped in a longstanding conflict, a testament to a feud that neither party seems able to remember the origin of. Efforts to broker peace, though sincere, have been fleeting, with old grudges and rivalries inevitably resurfacing over time.

Despite their incessant conflict with the Sex Goblins, the Communist Dragons have managed to foster a favorable reputation with the other factions residing within the boundaries of Basilica. Their unparalleled healing abilities, a testament to their impeccably constructed healthcare system, are a vital asset deployed across the lands of Basilica, providing aid and comfort for those who would otherwise go without.

Figures of Interest

Communist dragon society is largely self governing, with member polities largely policing themselves. However, all groups are under the command of a single figure, the original spokesperson of their ideology.

Arch Lich Karl Marx

Lawful evil, male human

The religious and political leader of the communist dragons, Marx is an undead simulacrum of the original politician of the same name. As their society grew he became elevated to the status of a quasi-deity by his bourgeoisie turned religious fanatics. Though he outwardly provides for his citizens, his actions serve to motivate his personal goals of subjugation and control. He has experienced life beyond this mortal plane, and will do everything in his power to avoid returning.

Technovores

Refuges from the formerly inhabited Uninhabited Planet, the Technovores are the result of one lab’s experiments in untested neurotechnology. In a desperate bid to stave off the death of their planet, a group of scientists created a composite mind (formed primarily from brain scans of an intern, the janitor, and the lead scientist’s pet dachshund) which they uploaded into the body of a prototype mechanical spider.

This spider proceeded to multiply out of control, copying itself into dozens of additional bodies,

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

spreading across the already doomed planet like a tidal wave. A group of these spiders, having developed a method of controlling the bodies of living humanoids, fled to the stockpile and began calling themselves the ‘Technovores’.

In the modern day, the Technovore society has become a juggernaut of industrialization and scientific progress. As literal computers, the Technovores have a far better grasp on technology and economics than any other society on the stockpile. Their cities are marvels of advancement, seemingly centuries ahead of all others.

Goals

The Technovores view magic as the primary downfall of Basilica. They believe that the reliance on magic poisons the well of progress, and must be eliminated before real change can occur.

They primarily pursue this goal by presenting themselves as a shining example of the powers of technology and the irrelevance of magic. They hope that their opulence may inspire others to join their cause.

Relationships

The Technovores and Merpeople have been trade partners for as long as either group can remember. Numerous water mills built around the helix streams of God’s Tear provide power for the Technovore cities.

The Technovores view most others with suspicion and concern. They feel responsible for the less technologically advanced factions of the stockpile. Despite this, their unique construction means that they must still use the bodies of other species to interact with the world.

Figures of Interest

While the original figures are now long dead, the component minds that form the common template of all Technovores still influence their behavior.

Kylie Thompson

Neutral good, female intern

An extremely competent intern, Thompson was a hard-working, dedicated employee. She held ambitions of eventual leadership, and sought to prove to her family that she could make a name for herself without their help. Thompson died during the downfall of the Uninhabited Planet.

John Janitor

Lawful good, male human

The lifeblood of the company, John was a master of workplace sanitation. He sought meaning in his work, pursuing the simple pleasure of a job well done. He always fed the ducks on his way home. John died during the downfall of the Uninhabited Planet.

Caboose

True neutral, male dachshund

Caboose was a dog. He was a very good boy. Caboose died during the downfall of the Uninhabited Planet.

Merpeople

Anchoring the stockpile, the Merpeople of God’s Tear serve as key intermediaries amidst Basilica’s kaleidoscope of factions. While bereft of their own industrial muscle or rich resources, their unrivaled diplomatic acumen has woven a complex tapestry of influence and alliance that traverses the world.

The society of Merpeople presents a curious duality—the land-navigating dry walkers and the aquatic deep swimmers. These two distinct groups live in a symbiotic harmony that’s an enigma to outsiders, a mystery they prefer to keep obscured.

Goals

The Merpeople have few apparent goals aside from the continued survival of their species. In rare cases of disaster they have demonstrated a frightening aptitude for ancient and powerful magics, moving islands and redirecting tides on a whim. Despite this, they are fairly unobtrusive, allowing other factions to operate largely without intervention.

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

Relationships

The Merpeople tread a path of pragmatic neutrality, allowing them to cultivate ties with numerous factions simultaneously, even those locked in heated rivalry. This adaptive, non-committal stance allows them the room to manoeuver in the complex political arena of Basilica, playing the role of a harmonizer when tensions flare and discord threatens.

Their most enduring and notable pact is with the Technovores; the two societies frequently working together to accomplish lofty goals beyond the reach of either group in isolation.

The sacred waters of God’s Tear seem to repel the microscopic entities known as the micro-pensie, used by the Auswahl as spies. This renders the Merpeople’s heartland immune to the Auswahl’s prying eyes, preserving a sphere of privacy that provides a unique vantage point in the intricate political web of Basilica.

The Merpeople share an enduring enmity with the Kuo-Toa, an aquatic race steeped in religious and territorial disputes with the Merpeople. Attempts at peaceful resolution have been unsuccessful, leaving this contentious relationship a stain on the Merpeople’s otherwise harmonious diplomatic track record.

Figures of Interest

In the fluid realm of the Merpeople, leadership is not defined by a single static entity but instead rotates among a number of figures who have shown their capabilities in their respective areas. Despite this, there are a few figures that stand out for their enduring influence and unique abilities.

Maris Deepwell

Chaotic good, wet merfolk

Known for her brilliant negotiation skills and keen intellect, Maris Deepwell serves as a diplomat, her words becoming the bridges that span the gaps between conflicting factions within and beyond their society. Tied to her aquatic counterpart, Nereus, they form a powerful dyad within merperson society.

Nereus Tideswimmer

Chaotic good, dry merfolk

In the aquatic world of the wet merpeople, Nereus Tideswimmer stands as a beacon of strength and rulership. His bond with Maris allows him to act as her underwater emissary, navigating the tricky undercurrents of aquatic diplomacy. His prowess in manipulating water is instrumental in ensuring safe passage for trade convoys and diplomatic missions across the vast expanses of God’s Tear.

Donald Trout

Neutral good, fish (trout)

As the ruling monarch, Donald Trout acts as arbiter for the panel of seven elders which serve as the main governing body of Minimer City, home of the merpeople. This sentient fish, despite having no magical abilities or traditional methods of communication, has an inexplicable knack for making sound decisions, guiding the merpeople towards prosperity and peace in a world of chaos and destruction. As unconventional as rulers come, Donald unquestionably ranks among Basilica’s most illustrious leaders — and indisputably among the top ten most notable fish.

Chapter 2 | Factions & Leaders

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Chapter 3: Basilican Gazetteer

This is located Yoshi’s layer and used to be the farm from animal farm, cause you know, communism, taking animals, its comedy, take it or leave it bitch.

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

This chapter unveils the various regions of Basilica, segmented into seven primary sections: the five habitable layers of the stockpile, the central spherical body of water, and the enigmatic bottommost layer with its captivating portal. From the vibrant bustling bazaars on the top layers of the stockpile to the mysterious, light-consuming vortex at the bottommost level, Basilica stands as a testament to the eccentric and the extraordinary. Each layer is a unique locale with its own inhabitants, secrets, and stories waiting to unfold.

The Sick Lands

The topmost layer of Basilica, the Sick Lands are a beautiful and lush layer which provides water for the rest of the stockpile. When people accidentally stumble into Basilica, the Sick Lands are usually where they first appear.

Tall mountains serve as the farthest landmarks from the center, with bits of rock and water drifting aimlessly just off the edge of the layer. As one of the smallest regions, this area relies heavily on tourism. Unfortunately, the difficulty of accessing this layer means that the only tourists are the new arrivals to Basilica.

Agalalala-la-la-la Town

Population: 207 (61% humans, 13% people, 9%

dwarves, 17% other races)

---

Government: The settlement is run by the local

chamber of commerce. Minor power struggles occur

between the four different taverns sharing the same

street.

---

Defense: A small volunteer militia exists to

defend the town and enforce its laws.

---

Commerce: Anything that counts as a ‘souvenir’ is

available. New arrivals occasionally bring rarer goods.

---

Organizations: The town hall was originally founded as

a hotel for weary travelers. The two wealthiest

families own a clothes shoppe and a tattoo parlor

respectively.

Agalalala-la-la-la Town is a riverside settlement located just outside the Wailing Woos. It was built with tourism in mind, with little in the way of official governance. In the absence of any actual tourism, the chamber of commerce has stepped up to provide law enforcement and rudimentary organization for the town.

Adventurers should be warned against mispronouncing their name. For a town to whom reputation means everything, misbranding is an offense worthy of capital punishment.

Castle Ruins

This structure wasn’t actually ever a real castle. In fact it isn’t even ruined, the architect just built it to look like that. It was later abandoned for unrelated reasons.

When people manifest in Basilica, this is typically where they arrive.

Leaning Tower of Pizza

A tall golden tower emblazoned with the Little Caesars logo. It is perfectly straight, but unfortunately the entire rest of the universe has become tilted, making the tower appear to be slanted.

Mountain Fountain

Jagged peaks surrounded by an idyllic lake, these mountains are found at the highest point on the stockpile. They are the source of all water runoff in Basilica. The lake is considered sacred, and water taken directly from it is a valuable commodity on lower levels.

An aboleth patrols these waters, preventing the unworthy from entering the hidden monastery.

Price of Perpetuity. These mountains hide a sanctum long since lost from collective memory. Inside its crumbling walls lies a terrible secret: Basilica is kept from falling by the repeated sacrifice of unwilling magical beings. An ancient altar sits stained with the blood of generations past. The peoples of this world must decide if they possess the strength to carry on this gruesome tradition.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Pallet Town

Population: 828 (42% humans, 22% gnomes, 15%

people, 21% other races)

---

Government: A local personal trainer manages town-

wide disputes, but most citizens tend to their own

affairs.

---

Defense: Occasional threats are dealt with by an

informal militia primarily composed of pig-fighters

and punters.

---

Commerce: The settlement imports pigs and wood

pallets and exports pig blood and woodchips.

---

Organizations: The local farmers have established an

informal fighting ring for their livestock.

The community of Pallet Town entirely revolves around pig-fighting. The sport has come to define the community, with outsiders traveling great distances to participate.

T.I.T. Town

Population: 414 (91% people, 4% kenku, 3% elves,

2% other races)

---

Government: The local government has been

overthrown by the board of tourism. They have not yet

established a new form of official governance.

---

Defense: T.I.T. Town maintains a powerful army to

defend against threats to their livelihood. Wardens

police the trapped tourists.

---

Commerce: The town maintains an economy based on

the stolen goods of the tourists they trap.

---

Organizations: The local board of tourism has the best

marketing team of all time. People continue visiting

despite the fact that visitors never leave.

The Tourist is Trapped Town (locally referred to as T.I.T. Town), is an incredibly effective tourist trap. Visitors are generally given a pleasant tour of the town’s many attractions, robbed of all their possessions, and then locked in a cage for the rest of their life.

Wailing Woos

A sprawling woodland suffused with a slow-time bubble. Creatures within the bubble will be slowed to near stasis. Inside the bubble, the outside will appear to speed up to an indistinct blur.

The wizard who initially created the bubble has been slowly making his way towards the edge of the woods for as long as anyone can remember.

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Great Plains

The Great Plains are the second-highest layer in Basilica and the home of the mighty Technovores. Despite the presence of such a great political power, the majority of the plains are uninhabited.

Outside the walls of the city, the Great Plains stretch out as vast windy grasslands. Travelers must tread cautiously, guarding against marauding bands of horseback kobolds, tempestuous gusts of gale force winds, and treacherous sinkholes that plunge through the ground to the layers below.

Those who dare venture into the depths of the plains might glimpse an astonishing secret: intricate clockwork gears, gyroscopes, and mechanisms, suggesting the entire layer might be a grand man-made construct. Rumors whisper of a deeper truth hidden within, intertwining the natural with the contrived, and hinting at a hidden hand that perhaps once sculpted these plains.

Cannon Fodder Crossroads

Many dungeons within Basilica’s expanse possess an aura of menace and chaos, their halls teeming with hostile creatures driven by primal instincts. However, the Cannon Fodder Crossroads stands as a bewildering anomaly amidst this brutality.

Within its labyrinthine depths, monsters who were once mindless enemies have developed a complex system of communication, evolving beyond their programmed aggression and chaos. No longer mindless beasts charging headfirst into danger, they’ve carved out a niche in the world, building their own micro-society.

Yet, the Crossroads is not the idyllic haven it claims to be. Beneath the façade of a harmonious monster utopia lies a chilling secret. In a chamber hidden deep within the dungeon, a grisly horror unfolds: the society sustains itself by breeding and consuming unsuspecting humans who wander too deep into its territory.

Centrifugal Force City

Population: 7,797 (73% spinning-top people, 22%

drombians, 1% fomorians, 4% other races)

---

Government: The city is governed by blind consensus,

with all citizens submitting their vote to an automatic

ballot box. The ballot box will count and implement

the majority vote.

---

Defense: The tremendous magical power afforded to

the inhabitants provides the protection necessary to

maintain the safety of their city.

---

Commerce: If magic was a tradable commodity, they

would be the largest exporter of it. Unfortunately it is

not, so their economy is in shambles.

---

Organizations: The magical nature of this city has

largely eliminated the need for defined organizations.

The Centrifugal Force City (CFC) is a gigantic mechanical cylinder rotating around a central column of earth. The majority of the city is built on the inside edge of this cylinder.

Rumors say that the ancient founder of the CFC gave their life in order to provide magical protection for the city’s inhabitants. In their final act, they drew together the many strands of magic and wove them into a beautiful knot around the center of the city. With this in place, all legal citizens of the CFC possess extraordinary magical abilities while within the city walls. This ancient, arcane insurance policy has allowed the CFC to survive and prosper even in the tumultuous environment of the stockpile.

Kobold Hollows

Amid the expansive stretch of the Great Plains, beneath the dancing grasses and deceptive sinkholes, lies a vast subterranean realm, the Kobold Hollows. Carved meticulously below the surface, these interconnected city burrows are home to the horseback kobolds, protectors and explorers of the plains.

Between Clockwork and Cavern. The central nexus of the Hollows is a marvel of architecture known as Drakden. Bioluminescent fungi mix with ever-turning gears and gyroscopes of the FES Plain, bathing the city in an ethereal light. The mechanical hum of the plains above reverberates softly, harmonizing with the bustle of kobold life below.

Technovore City

Population: 16,146 (96% technovores, 4% other races)

---

Government: The Technovores use a rapid voting

system local to their own personal computing. There

are no defined laws, any injustice is handled

individually and instantaneously by the collected

minds of the city.

---

Defense: The Technovores maintain a sizable cache of

advanced weaponry in case of an outside attack.

---

Commerce: Nearly anything can be purchased here,

legal and otherwise. However, the Technovores use a

unique currency known as bitcoin, and their prices

are typically far higher than anywhere else.

---

Organizations: Organizations shift and change far faster

than the other mortal races can follow.

A shining jewel of a settlement, the Technovore City is a testament to the power of technology in a world of magic. Through careful application of harnessed fast-time bubbles, the Technovores are able to accomplish centuries of subjective technological development in months of objective time.

Outsiders are typically shocked by the price of goods and services in the Technovore City. However, there are many futuristic items for sale that cannot be purchased anywhere else.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Drillbert Range

In a realm where clandestine societies outnumber their overt counterparts, the perpetual quest for secrecy leads many to the same innocuous location: Drillbert Range.

This third layer of the stockpile boasts opulent cities, monumental architecture, and a pair of orbiting dwarf planets bustling with life. Strikingly, despite the range’s flourishing civilizations, outsiders often note its minimal engagement in trade—few imports, even fewer exports. It’s as if each city operates under the auspices of concealed patrons, hinting at networks of influence that run deeper than those seen with the naked eye.

With bustling urban centers and grad valleys of gently rolling hills, Drillbert Range offers the perfect backdrop for clandestine organizations. The maze-like complexity of its city streets and the anonymity afforded by its teeming population make it an ideal sanctuary for all those operating behind the veil of secrecy.

City of Smiles

While this torrid swamp might once have been a city, it is now little more than rotting foundations and sunken concrete. It is haunted by the ghosts-of-economists-past who float miserably through the humid fog, warning interlopers of the dangers of capital flight during times of recession and abject interest-rate hikes.

The native bullywugs who inhabit the swamp seem not to care about these warnings, flagrantly ignoring the consumer price index even when total surplus is dangerously below the socially optimal output level.

Fallen City

Population: 6,210 (91% fallen, 8% em-jays, 1% other

races)

---

Government: The city is run by a collage of

governmental blocs designed to mimic those native to

the Fallen. This is all overseen by the ‘Board of

Anachronicity’, which is composed of volunteers

which help to maintain the fantasies the city’s

population participates in.

---

Defense: The city lacks an official military. Strangely,

attacks against them always seem to be thwarted by

an outside power.

---

Commerce: The economy is run entirely on manual

labor and self-delusion.

---

Organizations: Various outreach programs run by the

Board of Anachronicity serve to assist the Fallen in

the re-creation of their lost homes. A secret Smiley

Gang hideout is hidden within the depths of the city.

The Fallen City is a refuge of pariahs. Burdened with recollection of another world, the Fallen who live here attempt to form a normal life, but struggle to do so while the memories of their old lives remain intact.

Much of the city is a haphazard medley of various architectural styles foreign to this world. The inhabitants of these communities make an admirable attempt to recreate the world they believe they have lost, often providing an atmosphere unlike that found anywhere else across the stockpile.

Travelers are recommended to play along with the fantasy that they are in fact a visitor from another world, stopping by the homes of the Fallen only briefly.

Hostile Planet

The homeplace and prison of the Gargantuan Gay, this dark planet orbits around the edge of Drillbert Range. A sky choked with black clouds conceals the planet from outside observation, meaning that the inhabitants of the stockpile are ignorant of the state of the surface.

Anyone who attempts to approach the planet is usually shot down before they land, and those that actually make it to the ground never return.

The surface is an empty desert, all life and water having disappeared centuries earlier. A creature stalks the surface, a mass of flesh and teeth, with a towering column of flame and ash extending from its back into the clouds. It hunts any that intrude on its domain, and if it has weaknesses, none have lived to report them.

Illuminati City

Population: 11,661 (33% humans, 33% people, 33%

tieflings, 1% unknown)

---

Government: The city is run by a standard, non-shadow

government.

---

Defense: There is no crime. All criminals vanish the

moment they consider breaking the law.

---

Commerce: The city has a trifecta economy, exporting

large quantities of food, water, and covert

assassinations.

---

Organizations: ██████████████████

██████████.

Just a normal city, nothing to see here.

Riptide Band

Possibly as a result of the dwarf planets orbiting its perimeter, Drillbert Range is bisected vertically into two parallel discs. Between the two halves sit massive columns of water, twisting cyclones that appear to be holding the two layers apart. At the base of each of these plumes stands a great stone statue of a figure with its arms outstretched, the water whirling and splashing around them. Most avoid the area, as the fierce winds and strange gravity make it a dangerous place to travel.

Lily Pads in a Hurricane. Flumphs native to God’s Tear may occasionally float along the tributaries and into these columns of water. Their squishy little bodies are then sent spiraling up the cyclones like a washing machine full of pancakes.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Uninhabited Planet

The now-barren planet circling Drillbert Range is said to have once been the home of glorious civilization. They were a strong nation, bolstered by their unmatched aptitude for science and innovation. They are said to have lived in prosperity for centuries before a terrible calamity befell their world, clearing it of all life and destroying every remnant of their culture, save for the Technovores. The planet continues to orbit, its empty surface a reminder of what has been lost.

Double Heading the Deadhead. The disaster which gave the Uninhabited Planet its name was the result of an attempt to physically access conceptual space. Had they been successful, they could have gained access to the geometric structure of reality which stores the qualities and definitions of everything in the known universe.

They were able to successfully access conceptual space, but the instability of this breach allowed base concepts to begin spilling into physical reality. This damage caused the conceptual definition of ‘trains’ to become permanently afflicted with the quality ‘located on the Uninhabited Planet’.

As a result, anytime a train is created anywhere in Basilica, it is instantly teleported to the Uninhabited Planet, where it will remain indefinitely. All remnants of this world’s civilization are buried under several miles of broken, rusted trains.

Upside-Down City

Population: 9,936 (80% humans, 12% elves, 6% tabaxi,

2% other races)

---

Government: Matters of state are managed by the duke,

while local disputes are governed by neighborhood

elders.

---

Defense: The duke controls a large army of giant

spiders which maintain the law and protect the city.

---

Commerce: Basic goods and services can be found

throughout the city, while rarer goods are often

traded through the black market. The Upside-Down

City exports large quantities of spider silk.

---

Organizations: Local guilds run most businesses, while

the house of the duke controls most of the major

temples.

A shimmering marble spire sits atop an opulent palace at the center of this city. All who swear fealty to the duke will find a power emanating from this obelisk, granting the ability to move up, down, and across vertical surfaces and upside down along ceilings, while leaving their hands free. Visitors must procure their own means of traversal.

Those not from the city should avoid referring to anything as ‘rightside-up’, as locals will take great offense and may even react with violence.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Upside-Down Combat. Combat in the Upside-Down City often boils down to who can knock their opponent from the ground first. Warriors from the city have mastered a form of martial art similar to a suplex, hurling their foes downward, out of the city, and to their untimely deaths.

Urass Lake

This small reservoir, the saltiest body of water in all of Basilica, is nestled between sheer cliff faces, sloping into a ring of salt flats around the water’s edge. Divers descending into its depths will find that the lake bed is entirely composed of gigantic salt crystals.

God’s Tear

At the center of Basilica resides a great body of water, suspended as a single droplet, all the world’s water inevitably flowing into its depths. Many sailors will traverse the surface, but beneath the waves lies a society rivaling any on land. On the darkest nights the lights of the city can just barely be seen shining up from the depths.

God’s Tear Duct

Situated as the lower of the two Claydrop Mountains, God’s Tear Duct features upward-spiraling streams and a peak around which clouds seem to congregate. On rare occasions, travelers may witness a beautiful meteorological oddity—raindrops lifting from the ground to join the cloud canopy above in a sort of ‘reverse rainfall’.

Graceless Mountain

Rumor tells of a secret third Claydrop Mountain, though none are sure where exactly it might be.

This enigma of a landform is said to be just like a regular mountain, but with a warp pipe.

Limbo Mountain

Once a popular trade route, the highest of the Claydrop Mountains is now home to the reclusive respect goblins. This small society of rebellious sex goblins have covered the mountain in small encampments, restricting travel to only those they deem worthy.

The mountain itself is said to be rather beautiful. The stalactite nature of Limbo Mountain causes trees near the tip to grow at strange angles, seemingly unsure of which direction they should be pointing.

Minimer City

Population: 2,898 (45% deep swimmers, 45% dry

walkers, 5% kuo-toa, 5% other races)

---

Government: The city is governed by a panel of seven

elders, with a single ‘monarch’ serving as arbiter.

---

Defense: Minimer City controls a small militia of trained

agents piloting tamed aboleths.

---

Commerce: Most basic supplies can be found in both

the dry and wet sections of the city.

---

Organizations: Most neighborhoods have small temples

dedicated to worship and philosophy. The city has a

complex supply chain, utilizing the helix streams

which cross by the surface of God’s Tear.

This fantastic, glimmering city can be found at the center of God’s Tear. It is composed of both areas fully submerged in water, and domes containing areas of land and air. Sprawling walkways enclosed by open water encircle the city, connecting the two halves and facilitating communication and trade.

Flumphs float along the outer surface of the merkingdom, acting as stepping stones for those traversing the surface of God’s Tear.

Volvo’s Library

At the center of the largest dry district in Minimer City is a prodigious library bustling with scholarly activity. This bastion of knowledge is dedicated to Volvothamp Jakob, prolific author and sentient car, who originally founded the library and penned many of its most renowned texts. Though Volvo himself tragically perished after incorrectly judging the average layer as ‘12 hectares long’ and falling from the edge, his legacy carries on in the collection of volumes housed within this grand library.

FES Plain

The Flat Earth Society Plain, colloquially known as the FES Plain, is an extremely hilly region shrouded almost entirely in dense, sprawling forests. Given its depth in the stockpile, only a few hours of daylight grace the land each cycle, turning its woods into a haunting blend of shadows and silhouettes. Recognizing the challenge of navigating these woods in darkness, lampposts and various lighting fixtures have been strategically placed throughout, piercing the obscurity with small pockets of luminance.

In the heart of this hauntingly beautiful woodland, the FES Plain houses a unique population. Dwarven settlements are tucked into its hills and beneath its roots, creating a distinct symbiosis between the land’s natural essence and its inhabitants. With the environment being so intrinsically attuned to nature, the FES Plain has become a haven for druids, its very essence resonating with the earth’s deep rhythms.

A substantial fraction of the dwarven community here are among the Fallen. For them, reality has been interrupted by a shared dream—a collective delusion of a life before Basilica. Overwhelmed and uprooted from their perceived past, they are plunged into Basilica, struggling to navigate a world that feels alien to them.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Bran

Population: 5,175 (41% human, 18% dwarves, 59%

other races)

---

Government: The city is ruled by Count Alfred, a

vampiric marketing officer who lives at the center of

the city in a lofty castle.

---

Defense: Citizens are used as disposable pawns, their

lack of training made up for by their willingness to

throw their life down for the sake of the city.

---

Commerce: Children are forced to work in the

chocolate mines under the thrall of their vampiric

master. This resource is refined and distributed to

neighboring cities.

---

Organizations: Small markets thrive in hidden corners

throughout the city, but any organization of citizens

on a larger scale are swiftly crushed beneath the heel

of an uncaring and chocolaty boot.

Bran is a dark city nestled in the crevice between two inhospitable mountains on the FES Plain. The city has grown around a central point, an imperious castle built atop a thin plateau. Citizens exist in a state of indentured servitude, charmed to serve the vampire residing in the center of their settlement.

Mining facilities are scattered throughout the edges of the city, and quarry entrances can be seen along both sides of the cleft.

Silver Spoon Through the Heart. Should the players wish to challenge Bran’s count, he uses the vampire statblock, though his sugary nature renders him vulnerable to piercing damage inflicted by a creature’s teeth. He will always be accompanied by his personal bodyguard, a pink-hued flesh golem wrapped in iron chains and wearing a pair of rose-tinted goggles of night.

City in the Sky

Population: 4,761 (49% sky people, 28% aarakocra, 7%

kenku, 16% other races)

---

Government: The government is run by birds.

---

Defense: The inconvenient location of the city provides

the main defense against outsiders, the hidden

ballistae deters the rest.

---

Commerce: Many goods and services are unavailable

here, with citizens instead relying on exchange with

Flawcity.

---

Organizations: The city breeds several species of

songbird, and many small businesses exist to support

this tradition.

The City in the Sky may appear similar to the Upside-Down City, however, a more detailed investigation will reveal stunning differences between the two settlements. Most notably, the City in the Sky is oriented right-side up and boasts a significantly larger amount of birds.

While both cities are situated on the undersides of their respective layers, their infrastructures diverge dramatically in orientation. In the Upside-Down City, buildings are anchored at their bases to the layer above, creating an inverted landscape. Conversely, the City in the Sky features buildings that are rooted at their peaks to the layer, offering a more conventional, right-side-up arrangement.

Ornate hanging lights and domestic fireflies illuminate long rope bridges providing passage between buildings. From the outside, this gives the city an appearance of hanging birdcages surrounded by tangles of yarn and floating lights.

Cocaine Factory

The Cocaine Factory, under the eccentric management of the drug-lord Conchie, is less a place of illicit production and more a wonderland of vices. Hidden deep within a secluded valley of the FES Plain, the factory is wrapped in iron fences and shrouded by towering trees. Its sprawling, labyrinthine architecture is punctuated by smoke-spewing chimneys, and massive silos adorned with blinking, neon lights.

The factory is enclosed by tall, wrought-iron fences to deter unauthorized entry, while autonomous worker drones patrol the airspace around the factory, transporting supplies between locations.

Pure Intoxication. On occasion, one may find a golden ticket hidden in their illicit drugs. This discovery is typically met with panic, as it heralds the beginning of a factory tour. Within moments, drones descend from above, abducting anyone in the area and carrying them back to the factory. While adults rarely return, children generally leave frightened and confused, but unharmed, carrying several complementary bags of cocaine.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Flawcity

Population: 28,980 (65% dwarves, 14% humans, 8%

technovores, 13% other races)

---

Government: The city cycles through a variety of

different forms of government, with systems changing

once per decade.

---

Defense: Military size and funding vary with the

different forms of governance.

---

Commerce: The financial overhaul that comes with

each new government has caused many inhabitants

to invest their money in outside sources. Many basic

resources are unavailable, instead shipped in from

nearby settlements.

---

Organizations: A persistent and resilient underground

network makes sure that the city regularly overthrows

the government to weed out corruption.

The First Law City (Flawcity) is the largest and least stable settlement in Basilica. It appears to be a city like any other during times of peace, but every ten or so years the city undergoes a violent revolution, overthrowing the current government and replacing it with a new one.

The city will continue on normally with no signs of stopping, until acted upon by a force, at which point it will rapidly change its political trajectory.

Hetro City

Population: 1,242 (67% giants, 29% tieflings, 4% other

races)

---

Government: The city is largely ungoverned. The

position of leadership was traded around so many

times nobody is exactly sure who is supposed to be in

charge.

---

Defense: When threatened, the Thronewarden Security

Alliance will quickly mobilize and begin lobbing

airliners in their opponent’s general direction. This

isn’t particularly effective, but it is confusing.

---

Commerce: The city is home to the largest and only

airport in Basilica. While planes cannot fly out of the

city, they can roll. Once beyond the slow-time bubble,

they are unfortunately stuck on the ground due to the

lack of available runways.

---

Organizations: Small guilds of stone giants control and

monitor professional business within the city. A large

casino is maintained by tieflings and malnourished

hill giants.

Hetro City is the single remaining half of a pair of twin cities. Its sister municipality, Metro City, was utterly destroyed during the downfall of the Uninhabited Planet, when its main form of industry, a type of subterranean train, was suddenly and permanently destroyed.

Its legacy is carried on by Hetro City, a bustling hetropolis of innovation and aircraft. While the Hetro-Metro Trade Conurbation was wracked with economic issues due to its near-religious practice of day trading—the city filled with empty mansions traded back-and-forth too quickly for anyone to settle down in—Hetro City has carved out a decent niche as providers of ‘practical’ transportation across the FES Plain.

Slow-Time Bubble. Hetro City is surrounded by a moderately strong slow-time bubble. While the gradient of the bubble is gradual enough for a creature to cross through without ill effect, a sufficiently large and fast-moving object (such as a plane) may find its front moving faster than its back while partway through the bubble, causing the entire vessel to be torn apart during the crossing.

Hooke’s Dreidel

A pair of sister dwarf planets locked in a constant rotation by the magical chains connecting them. The sphere at the center of this chain is rumored to possess great power, but all expeditions thus far have resulted in failure.

Each planet is inhabited primarily by a single race. One is populated almost exclusively by orcs, and the other by elves. The two races have a long history of violence and conflict. However, they are forced into an uneasy truce, since the destruction of one world would cause the other to be flung far away, either deep into space or directly into the FES Plain.

Sex Goblin Spiral

Population: 10,350 (99% sex goblins, 1% other races)

---

Government: The colony is ruled by the Queen Sex

Goblin, who maintains power through a sex-based

hierarchy of vassals.

---

Defense: Special castes of sex goblin soldiers protect

the hive from invaders.

---

Commerce: Most basic supplies are available, though

outsiders are rarely allowed into the spiral.

---

Organizations: The entirety of the sex goblin population

is housed within the hive. Soldier’s quarters are

stationed regularly along the outside.

The Sex Goblin Spiral is the central nest for all sex goblins on Basilica. This towering, multilayered structure has been evolving over centuries, continuously expanding as it spirals downward. The spiral’s dynamic architecture serves both aesthetic and functional roles; each layer designated for a different caste within the community—with the Queen Sex Goblin at the pinnacle. As new layers are added at the top, the structure extends downward, blending arcane magic and engineering in a seamless alchemy of growth and renewal.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Spiregrove

In an obscure corner of a Basilican dungeon deep below the hills of the FES Plain, one may stumble upon a room unlike any other. This chamber houses a single impossibly tall tree with a resplendent, golden fruit high above, the object of ceaseless pursuit by the room’s inhabitants.

Spiregrove stands resolute against the dark labyrinth, an embodiment of life’s relentless spirit. Its towering form is marred by ambitious architecture—makeshift ladders, branch bridges, and primitive pulleys—all in a futile attempt to claim the radiant fruit.

How such a titanic tree can fit within the relatively thin crust of Basilica’s layers is unclear.

Yoshi’s Easter Egg

Between the FES Plain and Limbo lies a rough collection of objects centered around an oblong planetoid. This land is primarily rough, rocky desert, with massive lakes dotting the surface. The combination of these two biomes produces an appearance reminiscent of a gigantic egg.

Local legend claims that this entire planet is actually an egg laid by the ancient deity Yaweshih. This figure is often represented by the tetragrammaton YWSH (יושה), which can be found inscribed above the doors of many temples.

Dragon’s Talon

Population: 6,624 (82% dragons, 11% kobolds, 5%

humans, 2% other races)

---

Government: All communist dragons are ruled by the

Arch Lich Karl Marx.

---

Defense: The iron fist of Karl Marx and his terrible

army maintain the law and protect the city.

---

Commerce: Basic goods can be hard to come by, but

lavish commodities are commonplace. Healing is

readily available almost everywhere.

---

Organizations: Looming spires of onyx serve as shrines

to the quasi-deity Karl Marx. Smaller shrines

worshiping Yaweshih can be found in hidden places

throughout the city.

The Dragon’s Talon, a prehistoric spiral fossil grown from the side of Yoshi’s Easter Egg, serves as the home and fortress of the communist dragons. Caverns carved along its length serve as homesteads for its inhabitants, with government buildings located at the hollow center.

Little is known of this monument, but the stone spiral is said to be infused with a powerful flow of magic energy. Whispers say that it acts as a siphon for magic across the entire stockpile, cultivating and refining this energy into powerful artifacts. Every millennium or so an artifact of catastrophic power is produced from the tip of the spiral. Some even claim that this city is the birthplace of the Big Gay.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

The Red Citadel. The Red Citadel is the capital building of the Dragon’s Talon. Arches and spires of dark stone extend in a circular labyrinthine pattern around the center of the spiral fossil. The Arch Lich’s private chambers are nestled at the heart of the citadel, suspended above an immense drop, with the lower layers visible only as distant lights.

Mount Asshole

Shrouded in near-constant darkness due to its position on Basilica, this mountain curls from the side of Yoshi’s Easter Egg, suspended over the void. Mostly barren due to the lack of sunlight, few creatures are hardy enough to survive here, and those who do are said to be truly vicious.

The Great Drop. Mount Asshole presents a sheer cliff of unimaginable size. Those who fall from the side will find themselves stranded in Limbo, forced to eke out a living or descend even lower into the Mage Cage. For this reason, this mountain is often used as a place of execution for those who provoke the communist dragons.

Triad Rivers

Seamlessly blending into the rugged landscapes of Yoshi’s Easter Egg, a trio of rivers snake their way across the rocky deserts, pooling into vast lakes that punctuate the barren terrains like giant teardrops. These liquid arteries give life to the otherwise inhospitable environment, a nurturing womb within the egg-like planetoid.

Pirates Without Oceans. At the heart of the egg-like planetoid’s tripartite aquatic system, maritime marauders ride their vessels of petrified wood and dragon’s bone. While the rivers and lakes are their domain, they may at times travel outside of the water, their ships sprouting six pairs of massive, spider-like legs and scuttling across the barren surface of Yoshi’s Easter Egg in search of further foes to fight.

Limbo

Nestled far below Basilica’s brighter realms, Limbo is a stark, unforgiving landscape of ice and clay. Warmth and light are a distant dream here, with nothing to penetrate the eternal gloom except for the enigmatic luminescence of the Mage Cage below. This haunting glow casts a red horizon across the land, an unsettling shade that becomes increasingly dim as one ventures toward the central, towering mountain.

And yet, for those brave enough to explore, the land is not entirely devoid of history or civilization. Abandoned castles and decrepit structures sporadically litter the landscape, standing as silent testimonials to forgotten societies and conflicts. The architecture of these ruins often defies the logic of practical design, featuring winding staircases to nowhere and rooms with ceilings far too high for their intended purpose. It’s as though the builders were driven by some feverish madness, a compulsion to create even in the face of futility.

Some believe these are the last cultural expressions of societies that knew they were doomed, a desperate attempt to leave something behind, any trace of their existence, before succumbing to the frost and mud.

Grey Mountain

The only landmark in an empty land. An iron pillar is planted deep into the tip of this mountain, with all the rest of Basilica suspended above it.

Tip of the World. Descent into Limbo is a one-way trip. Those that fall from the layers above have little-to-no chance of ever returning. Many attempt to scale the Grey Mountain and climb the pillar at its center, but over the centuries precious few have ever returned from its depths.

For the inhabitants of Limbo, the rest of the stockpile is nothing but some flashing lights and stories from those who once lived above. To them, Limbo is the entire world. As such, the highest peak of its depths is truly the tip of their world.

Mage Cage

A prison for the darkest refuse of the stockpile, the Mage Cage is the bottommost inhabited layer. Lit only by the glow of its bars and the swirling lights of the portal below, inhabitants must learn to live in an environment entirely unlike anywhere else.

Natives of the Mage Cage typically live in small establishments anchored to the bars of the cage. There is no weather, and it is always the same temperature, so enclosed spaces are rare. Typically, people will simply establish a platform, and then build out the relevant necessities from there. In the case of those banished here, the necessities most immediately include forms of entertainment, primarily bars and clubs.

This land should be considered the closest thing Basilica has to hell. Travelers are warned to avoid this area if at all possible, and trust no one they meet there.

Pillars of Dissent

The Pillars of Dissent are old and mottled lengths of iron forming the bars of the Mage Cage. The Pillars glow with a maddening red light, and produce the scarce heat the inhabitants of the Mage Cage use to survive. Old myths and stories tell that each pillar represents a great sinner—one whose rebellion against the natural order was destined to change the fates of all who call the stockpile home.

Married to the Job. The borders of the Mage Cage are guarded by azers, which typically travel in groups of two or more. The azers consider a partner in battle to be synonymous with a romantic partner, believing the consolidation of relationships to be highly efficient.

Chapter 3 | Basilican Gazetteer

 

 

Ominous Portal

Embracing the very nadir of the stockpile, sits and awe-striking portal, a swirling and morphing vortex of pure light. It shimmers with a resplendent and eerie beauty, an ever-changing spectacle that seems to defy the boundaries of space and time.

This luminary tempest emanates a vast array of colors, oscillating between rich hues and stark whites, casting dancing, spectral shadows across the empty expanse. An entrancing ballet of radiance that provides the only light source to this ultimate depth. Nothing that ventures into its unfathomable swirls ever reappears, vanishing into an inscrutable ether from which no traveler returns.

The Last Beacon. Amid the pervasive darkness that swallows the bottommost layer, the portal stands out as a lighthouse in a sea of obscurity, a beacon that rather than guiding lost ships, swallows them into its luminescent abyss. Yet, for those residing above, it is a reminder of the enigma that dwells beneath their feet, a silent testament to the infinite unknown.

Cynosure of Curiosities. The portal, with its hypnotic radiance and strange allure, is a destination of last resort for the most intrepid or the most desperate. It elicits a myriad of tales and speculations, each more outlandish than the last. Yet the one thing these stories have in common is the inherent respect and fear for the ethereal mystery that is the Ominous Portal.

It is a constant, an unfathomable end to the topographical majesty of the stockpile. To the denizens of Basilica, it is simultaneously a beacon of curiosity and a harbinger of finality.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

Chapter 4: Adventures in Basilica

Bacon hunt, a separate hunt for bacon.

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

This chapter provides a toolbox to help the Dungeon Master create adventures set in the world of Basilica. The tables and advice in this chapter expand on the material in chapter 3 of the Dungeon Master’s Guide.

Monsters and nonplayer characters mentioned in this chapter can be found in this book, the Monster Manual, or Monsters of the Multiverse. When a creature’s name appears in bold type, that’s a visual cue pointing you to the creature’s stat block. If the stat block appears in chapter 6, the text tells you so.

The names of spells and magic items referenced in the adventure are in italics. If a spell or magic item appears in this book, the text will say so. If it doesn’t, information on spells can be found in the Player’s Handbook and information on magic items can be found in the Dungeon Master’s Guide.

Basilican Adventures

This chapter provides basic seeds for creating adventures revolving around a few aspects of Basilica. From there, players should be allowed (and even encouraged!) to wander off and explore whatever catches their fancy.

The spirit of adventure in Basilica is all about creativity and player agency. The world is vast and filled with endless possibilities, and the DM is encouraged to let their imagination run wild when creating adventures for their players. The players themselves are also encouraged to be creative and think outside the box when it comes to problem-solving and exploring the world around them.

There are no right or wrong answers in Basilica, and the DM is free to take the story in any direction they choose. The players are also free to pursue whatever interests them, whether it be battling epic monsters, exploring mysterious ruins, or engaging in political intrigue. The world is open and flexible, and the DM is encouraged to work with their players to create a shared story that everyone will enjoy.

Anchor Escapement

Adventures taking place on Hooke’s Dreidel typically revolve around covert operations. Players may be called upon by either side to inflict political or economic damage upon the other. These quests are well suited to groups of mercenaries, sellswords, or hirelings.

The elves and orcs of the twin planets of Hooke’s Dreidel will do just about anything to harm the other’s world. However, neither side can fully destroy the other, as doing so would doom their own planet. Adventures of this sort often involve infiltration and sabotage.

Hooke’s Dreidel Adventures

d6	Adventure Goal
1	Infiltrate the leadership of a planet and sabotage their military organization.
2	Destabilize the political landscape of a planet by founding a new political party.
3	Steal a powerful weapon from one world and return it to the other.
4	Retrieve a weapon stolen under ‘mysterious circumstances’ and return it to its original owners.
5	Re-steal a weapon ‘somehow’ returned to its original owners and deliver it to the planet that originally stole it.
6	Fortify the defenses of both planets’ armories to prevent rampant thievery.

Hooke’s Dreidel Villains

Hooke’s Dreidel villains are typically strongly nationalist. They are likely fiercely aligned with their own society’s goals, rather than simply malicious.

Hooke’s Dreidel Villains

d4	Villain
1	A fanatical military leader seeks to break the chains connecting the two worlds.
2	A veteran artificer has built an upward-facing cannon to threaten the other world.
3	A cruel tyrant has been forcing workers to attempt to cross the chains and claim the mysterious power at its center.
4	A bitter orc now seeks to sabotage their own planet’s war effort by allying with elementals on the elven planet.

Hooke’s Dreidel Rewards

The Hooke’s Dreidel Rewards table presents ideas for possible rewards granted upon completion of a Hooke’s Dreidel adventure.

Hooke’s Dreidel Rewards

d6	Reward
1	A luxurious elven estate on the elf world.
2	A fortified orcish stronghold on the orc world.
3	A luxurious elven estate on the orc world for some reason.
4	Large sums of gold pieces dependent on the difficulty of the job completed.
5	The deed to vast tracts of land on one of the planets.
6	Access to the mysterious sphere in the center of the chains binding the planets of Hooke’s Dreidel.

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

Anchor Escapement

The players may become involved in the conflict brewing on Hooke’s Dreidel as mercenaries; initially hired to complete small jobs for one world or the other.

At low levels, the characters may be hired by the orc world to disrupt a supply chain shipped from the mainland of the stockpile. While undercover on the elf world, they may be approached by the elven leadership and tasked with defending the supply chain they were just hired to destroy. As the campaign

progresses, they may end up juggling assignments for both sides, and find it increasingly difficult to keep their involvement with both factions a secret.

As the campaign reaches its climax, the adventurers could discover that a mysterious third party has been stoking the flames of the conflict to disguise their own plan to detach the two planets, sending one rocketing off into distant space, while the other violently crashes into the mainland of Basilica.

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

Smile Like You Mean It

Surrounded by an air of intrigue, adventures involving the enigmatic Smiley Gang promise a fascinating blend of mystery and discovery. These quests are perfect for those who enjoy piecing together clues and uncovering hidden truths.

The Smiley Gang, notorious for their unsettling practice of kidnapping innocents for unknown reasons, holds sway not through raw strength but via cryptic knowledge and tactical planning. Delving into these adventures will typically involve plenty of exploration and problem-solving, slowly unravelling the intricate web that surrounds this elusive group.

Smiley Gang Adventures

d6	Adventure Goal
1	Rescue a townsfolk’s daughter, kidnapped by the Smiley Gang for nefarious purposes.
2	Track down the location of a lost Smiley Gang supply cache.
3	Root out the source of a mysterious new drug which seems to have hypnotic effects on its users.
4	Seek out and retrieve a powerful magic item before the Smiley Gang can find it.
5	Avoid brainwashing and escape a Smiley Gang stronghold.
6	Discover the secret hidden in the depths of the Mountain Fountain, and why the Smiley Gang has worked so hard to conceal it.

Smiley Gang Villains

Smiley Gang villains are likely to be brainwashed mooks or fanatical lieutenants. While they are unpredictable, the Smiley Gang’s actions almost always have specific and definite reasons.

Examples of Smiley Gang villains appear in the Smiley Gang Villains table.

Smiley Gang Villains

d4	Villain
1	A Smiley Gang infiltrator (described in chapter 6) has taken control of a small town and enslaved its inhabitants.
2	A high-ranking member of the Smiley Gang has established a brainwashing camp deep in the woods of the Sick Lands.
3	An assassin has been silencing scholars who have come dangerously close to answering questions that the Smiley Gang would prefer remain unasked.
4	The leader of the Smiley Gang, Psydude (see chapter 6 for the stat block), has ordered the players captured.

Smiley Gang Rewards

The Smiley Gang Rewards table presents ideas for possible rewards granted upon completion of a Smiley Gang adventure.

Smiley Gang Rewards

d6	Reward
1	Powerful magic items owned by the Smiley Gang.
2	The favor of a town beseeched by abductions.
3	Keys to a keep in the hills of the Mountain Fountain.
4	Forbidden knowledge and powerful secrets.
5	A sense of pride at having accomplished a good deed.
6	The accrued life savings of locals, coerced away by withholding the beneficial aftermath of a good deed.

Smile Like You Mean It

A campaign centered around the Smiley Gang could involve the gradual discovery of increasingly dangerous secrets and knowledge. Simultaneously, the players may find themselves hunted by the gang in an effort to contain the knowledge they now possess.

At the campaign’s outset, players might spot odd smiley-face symbols painted on walls across a vast city. Delving into the mystery behind these symbols could reveal the perilous and clandestine activities of the Smiley Gang. As the story unfolds, the pursuit of these enigmatic signs may guide the players to a hidden base, perhaps following the kidnapping of a key NPC.

At higher levels, they could become powerful enough to fight their way through the gang and confront their mysterious leader. Should they prove victorious, they may then be forced to choose whether to risk allowing Basilica to fall into the void below, or continue the gang’s dirty work themselves.

Timey Wimey Stuff

The peculiar nature of Basilica’s existence leads to various time-related anomalies, which can make for fascinating adventures. Adventures involving time travel will likely include significant roleplaying and complex investigation. These quests will appeal to a group interested in exploring non-linear narratives and unraveling time-related puzzles.

Timey Wimey Adventures

d6	Adventure Goal
1	Unravel the mystery behind a town that has been frozen in time and restore its normal flow.
2	A city from the past appears with a dark omen. They were on the brink of collapse before a powerful mage used the rest of his life force to hurl them into the future.
3	Investigate the cause of dramatic time bubble fluctuations and prevent an impending disaster.
4	Help a novice magic user who has accidentally altered the flow of time in their village.
5	Escape a slow-time bubble before all the important NPCs throughout the rest of the campaign die of old age.
6	Assist a traveler from the future in preventing a cataclysmic event that has yet to happen.

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

Timey Wimey Villains

Timey Wimey villains can range from powerful time mages who inadvertently create temporal anomalies to more sinister figures who manipulate time for their own nefarious purposes.

Examples of time travel related villains appear in the Timey Wimey Villains table.

Timey Wimey Villains

d4	Villain
1	An enigmatic entity, the Prince of Slime, that feeds on temporal energy, causing time anomalies in its wake.
2	A future version of one of the characters seeking to rewrite history to conquer Basilica.
3	A rogue chronomancer has discovered a way to freeze time in select locations, holding towns hostage until their demands are met.
4	A powerful entity trapped within the Mage Cage, manipulating time in an effort to break free.

Timey Wimey Rewards

The Timey Wimey Rewards table presents ideas for possible rewards granted upon completion of a timey wimey adventure.

Timey Wimey Rewards

d6	Reward
1	Ancient artifacts or lost knowledge from a bygone era.
2	Recovery of treasure previously lost forever.
3	Knowledge of a unknown spell or ability related to time manipulation.
4	An ally from another time, willing to lend their unique skills to the party.
5	A rare, time-forged weapon or armor with unique properties.
6	A glimpse into the future, providing valuable information for upcoming adventures.

Timey Wimey Stuff

A campaign featuring time travel could include a villain faced at several different points throughout their life. They may even become allied with versions of the villain from other time periods, battling alternate versions of themselves and other NPCs.

At later levels, the players could become skilled in manipulating time themselves, using their newfound abilities to construct and navigate areas of slower and faster time. Clever application of these different frames of reference could allow them to complete years-long projects in hours, or even command a centuries-long war in only a few weeks of their subjective time.

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

An Adventure for 5th-Level Characters

The legendary magical artifact known as the Big Gay, along with its host Crahm Toos, has vanished overnight; stolen by unknown culprits. The theft has created a power vacuum, with factions scrambling to seize control and threatening to plunge the world into chaos.

Fortunately, a group of renowned heroes has embarked on a righteous quest to recover this artifact. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the rest of the world, this party has been stricken by the Fall, their memories wiped and replaced with a false dream of a past life.

Text that appears in a shaded box like this one is meant to be read aloud or paraphrased for the players. You’ll usually see boxed text when the characters first arrive at a specific location, or when something happens in the adventure that the characters might want to react to.

Setup and Backgrounds

Before beginning the adventure, you should work with your players to build characters worthy of such an undertaking. You should provide players with a description of a world other than Basilica, which will serve as the basis for their false memories gained from the Fall. A few suggested worlds are listed below:

Eberron. Keith Baker’s world of Eberron blends traditional fantasy elements with faux-modernist technology to create a world of magic and neo-noir intrigue. You can find more information in the Wayfinder’s Guide to Eberron.

Forgotten Realms. Ed Greenwood’s Forgotten Realms is among the oldest and most well-known of D&D settings. When people think of roleplaying game settings, this is probably what they imagine. You can find more information in the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide.

Eaglespire. Eaglespire is a world shrouded in fog, a collection of disparate cities located on the slope of a colossal mountain. Both the peak and the base of the mountain are beyond the bounds of the known world, with great adventures to be found in either direction.

Earth. Earth is presumably the place that you live. You can find more information in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

You can decide whether to give each player a different setting, or to have the entire party make characters from the same fictional world.

Starting the Adventure

Once ready to begin, you should instruct each player to describe their character and what they are currently doing. Feel free to let the players make outlandish claims about their character’s current activities. If the players begin to catch on to the fact that they are describing different settings or time periods, deflect or avoid their questions for now. Once each character has been introduced, and their current activities described, read or paraphrase the following:

Simultaneously, you are all overwhelmed by a spike of powerful vertigo. Your vision swims, bright spots dance before your eyes, and all sound fades into a single dull hum. The world seems to melt around you, and all sense of direction is lost. You can distantly feel your body collapse to the ground as everything blends together into a meaningless cacophony.

Without warning, light and sound abruptly come back into focus, and you find yourself somewhere entirely new.

The players find themselves collapsed upon the floor of a strange forest. Before they fully come to their senses, you should ask them who is wearing the leather pants. Allow them to discuss, only clarifying the question at your own discretion.

Once the players have collectively decided which of them is wearing the leather pants, have that player roll 1d6 falling damage.

As the players begin to take in the scene around them, you can fill them in on the following information:

• Their equipment has changed. Armor may be of a different make or material, and they may be missing certain items or have new ones in their possession.
• The characters have small bruises and minor injuries they don’t recall recieving.
• One character is wearing a pair of fireproof leather pants and almost nothing else. They are also holding a defective alchemy jug (see chapter 5 for details), which is currently producing diesel gasoline.
• Another character has a small scrap of paper clutched in one hand (show the players handout A).

Any character who succeeds on a DC 16 Wisdom (Perception) check may also notice the acrid smell of smoke and burning hair.

Wounded Gaylord

As the characters gather their wits, they hear the sharp crack of a tree branch in the canopy above them. Read the following description:

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

The figure attempts to stumble to their feet, patting out the flames as they do. They are quickly revealed to be hostile to the players and will attack them without further provocation.

This person is a Gaylord posse leader of the Ur Mom Cult. They use the gladiator statblock, but currently have only 35 hit points remaining. Any character who succeeds on a DC 18 Wisdom (Insight) may realize that the wounds on the hostile figure appear to have been inflicted by weapons wielded by the player characters.

In the aftermath of the battle, the players may investigate the body, finding a small golden key tucked away in an inner pocket.

Tracking Quasit

Examining the key will reveal it to be a minor summoning item. A DC 12 Intelligence (Arcana or Investigation) check can be used to determine the command word required to activate the item.

Upon activation, the key will summon a small quasit, which stares at the players blankly before pointing at a specific point to the south-west. It seems vaguely confused as to why it is pointing in this direction, but is compelled to continue doing so.

The quasit is bound by a geas to remain silent, but has no loyalty to the Ur Mom Cult, and may be willing to assist the players nonverbally.

Navigating the Forest

A brief exploration of the surrounding area will reveal that they appear to be in the middle of a ruined castle, now overgrown by the surrounding forest. A rugged path can be found just to the north of their starting location. A DC 16 Wisdom (Survival) will find tracks that appear to have been left by the party leading up the trail to their current location.

Regardless of what the players decide, traveling at a normal pace will bring them to their destination in about six hours. If the players take the path to the north, roll a d6 and consult the Random Travel Encounters table to see if any denizens of the wilderness cross paths with the characters. If the players choose to follow the key to the south, roll a d10 and consult the same table. You can alternatively select an encounter (or multiple encounters) if you wish to challenge the characters during their wilderness journey.

Following the Path

If the adventurers choose to follow the path, read:

Following the path to the north will take the players to the southwestern edge of a vast lake. A successful DC 12 Wisdom (Survival) check locates a small boat hidden in the underbrush along the shore.

Examining the boat will reveal that the handwritten name of the boat painted on the side of the hull matches that of the note scrap seen in handout A. Ask the player originally holding the note to decide the name of the boat.

Sailing the lake will eventually bring the players to the harbor of Agalalala-la-la-la Town. How the players choose to navigate is up to them: a thorough investigation of the boat may produce a map and compass, or waiting until nightfall could allow the characters to see the lights of the town in the far distance.

Following the Key

If the adventurers instead decide to brave the forest on their own, read:

Traveling into the wilderness in the direction indicated by the quasit will bring the players directly to Ur Mom’s Outpost. This path will give the cultists less time to prepare, though the same will apply to the players.

Chapter 4 | Adventures in Basilica

 

 

Random Travel Encounters

Roll	Encounter
1–3	The characters have no encounter.
4	An adventuring party of five wolves run into the characters as their random encounter.
5	A rug of smothering (see chapter 6 for the stat block) makes a valiant but ineffective attempt to blend in while in the middle of the woods.
6	A pair of Auswahlian Finches (see chapter 6 for the stat block) attempt to subdue and capture the party.
7–8	A transuranic elemental (see chapter 6 for the stat block) begins to stalk the characters, looking for an easy kill.
9–10	Three of the Big Gaylord’s squadmates (a mage and two thugs) track down the party to avenge their fallen leader.

Agalalala-la-la-la Town

The following descriptions correspond to the areas marked on map 4.1.

A1. Hotel/Town Hall

If the adventurers head to the Hotel/Town Hall, read:

What was once a simple hotel for weary travelers has since grown into the central building for a loose governing body overseen by the chamber of commerce. It continues to act as lodging for tourists, while also providing a meeting space for the town leaders.

Concierge. The hotel is headed by a concierge named Jofeth Emberbridge (neutral, human noble). He acts as a de facto leader for the town and is willing to assist the players however he can.

A2. Clothes Shoppe

If the adventurers head to the Clothes Shoppe, read:

This cozy building is an upscale boutique selling novelty tunics and various expensive souvenirs. The owner is an amiable woman by the name of Charlotte Andergast (lawful neutral, half-elf commoner). She treats customers with a politeness that can come across as stuffy or uptight to those who don’t know her well.

As the characters browse, Charlotte may inquire about their journeys and experiences, occasionally offering them useful advice or local insights.

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If the conversation turns to any unusual or exotic materials they have encountered, her curiosity is piqued, and she may express interest in incorporating such materials into her designs.

A3. Goliath’s Tattoos

If the adventurers head to the Goliath’s Tattoos, read:

The owner of the tattoo parlor is a half-giant by the name of Alanic (chaotic neutral, goliath berserker). His left hand has been replaced with a complex mechanical claw, with each of its nearly dozen fingers tipped with an inking needle. In addition to mundane tattoos, Alanic is able to inscribe mystical ciphers on the characters, which function identically to a spell scroll.

A4. Thistlehead Tavern

A cozy, rustic establishment adorned with dried thistles and wildflowers hanging from the rafters, Thistlehead Tavern is a favorite among weary travelers seeking a warm meal and a friendly atmosphere. Their special drink, “Pickled Thistlehead,” is a spirited infusion with a robust spice blend, mellowing into a gentle, flowery echo.

A5. Rusty Nail Tavern

Dimly lit and slightly cramped, the Rusty Nail Tavern is an old, creaky establishment frequented by seasoned adventurers and grizzled veterans. Their signature beverage, the “Nail-Biter,” is a potent concoction with an aromatic spice kick, fading into a soft, petal-like finish.

A6. Broken Roof Tavern

With its crooked roofline and mismatched furnishings, Broken Roof Tavern is a charmingly chaotic destination for patrons seeking lively conversation and raucous laughter. The tavern’s special drink, “Shattered Shingle,” is a zesty, herbal elixir that concludes with a subtle hint of blossoming flora.

A7. Raven’s Cavern Tavern

Nestled within the shadowy depths of a natural cave in their basement, the Raven’s Cavern Tavern is a mysterious and atmospheric haven for those who appreciate the allure of darkness. Their enigmatic drink, the “Raven’s Whisper,” is a alchemic blend, rich in aromatic spices, that subtly transitions to a delicate floral aftertaste.

Other Discoveries

Use the following to guide the next steps of the characters’ investigation:

• Asking around will reveal that the characters passed through this town recently. Townsfolk will give conflicting accounts of the players’ actions, though the general consensus is that the players were planning an attack on someone’s mother.
• If the characters ask about recent happenings in the region, most people will explain the recent theft of the Big Gay, and may describe the artifact if pressed further.
• If they ask about the golden key or defective alchemy jug, they will be directed to Alanic for more information (area A3).
• If they ask for information about the fireproof leather pants, they will be directed to Charlotte Andergast (area A2).

Departure

As the players leave Agalalala-la-la-la Town in search of Ur Mom’s Outpost, read:

Depending on their method of travel, you may wish to roll on the Random Travel Encounters table. Otherwise, they arrive at their destination unscathed after a day’s worth of travel.

Ur Mom’s Outpost

Once the players have reached Ur Mom’s Outpost, read or paraphrase the following:

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If the players went directly to the outpost, the ballista (see chapter 8 of the Dungeon Master’s Guide) will be unloaded, and the guardposts only lightly staffed. If they instead chose to first head to Agalalala-la-la-la Town, then the ballista have already been loaded, and the guard is on high alert.

Ruckus. Though initially unaware of the party’s presence, loud noises, such as combat or property damage, may alert the outpost’s inhabitants to intruders at your discretion.

Entrances

The outpost has two main entrances: a large stone door leading into the workroom (area M1), and a reinforced wooden door leading into the storeroom (area M3). The front door can be easily unlocked with the golden key recovered from the Big Gaylord. The back door can be opened with a successful DC 20 Dexterity (Sleight of Hand) check using thieves’ tools, or forced open with a DC 20 Strength (Athletics) check.

Entering another way will likely require breaking a window and/or a wall, which will alert the outpost’s inhabitants to the characters’ approach.

M1. Workroom

With a successful DC 12 Intelligence (Nature) check, a character can determine that the stored organs do not match any found within a typical humanoid. A DC 16 Intelligence (Arcana) check allows a character to notice a subtle magical ‘pull’ emanating from these unknown organs.

While the workroom is empty, voices can be heard from behind the two other doors. Loud, jovial conversation can be heard behind the door on the right (leading to area M2). Eavesdropping on these voices suggests that the guards are currently engaged in some sort of gambling within their barracks.

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Quiet conversation can be heard from behind the door on the left (leading to area M4). A successful DC 14 Wisdom (Perception) check allows the characters to determine that these voices are engaged in a hushed argument over the details of some type of negotiation.

M2. Barracks

The six soldiers (four thugs and two scouts) will quickly notice any characters entering the room. If the players came directly to the outpost, the guards have left their armor and weapons scattered against a far wall. Otherwise, they are fully equipped and ready for battle.

Treasure. On the table are 16 sp and 120 cp worth of small coins. An additional 8 gp can be found on the guards’ bodies. A thorough search of the room will uncover a holy symbol worth 15 gp beneath one of the mattresses.

M3. Storeroom

The combined value of salvageable goods here is 500 gp, mostly in the form of well-crafted observation equipment, such as sextants and telescopes.

The three large boxes tucked in the corner of the room each contain a single age bomb (see chapter 5 for details) suspended in a permeable, gel-like substance. A careful DC 13 Wisdom (Investigation) check will allow a character to notice that two of the three boxes have sprung a leak, and a small amount of the gel has begun to seep onto the floor. A label taped to the side of each of the boxes suggests that those with ruptured gel are in danger of spontaneous detonation.

Explosives. Characters can retrieve an age bomb from the undamaged container without too much difficulty, but every time a damaged container is disturbed there is a 30 percent chance of setting off the bombs stored within. Structural damage inflicted by such an event will be in the form of wood rotting, stone crumbling, and metal rusting due to old age.

M4. War Room

A high-ranking Big Gaylord named Bortrand Bortholomew (chaotic neutral, blue dragonborn assassin) is in the midst of negotiations with three other figures when the characters arrive. If the players have alerted the guards to their presence, he is joined by three soldiers (two thugs and a scout).

As soon as the players are within this room, read:

The three other figures: a stout kobold wearing fine robes and a holy symbol of a sickle, an athletic woman wearing a tinfoil hat and black fatigues emblazoned with a shoulder sleeve insignia of a yellow smiley face, and an ordinary looking man with a large metal spider attached to his temples, are not physically present in this room. Rather, they are projected illusions, which flicker and fade upon the players’ entrance.

Bort remains initially composed, hoping to resolve this conflict without coming to blows. He probes the group’s determination, carefully outlining the repercussions of making an enemy as dangerous as the Ur Mom Cult.

If diplomacy fails to sway the adventurers, Bort displays a reluctant pragmatism. He’s accustomed to getting what he wants, and willing to compensate for it, offering to pay them 250 gp to abandon their quest and simply walk away.

Should the characters accept this bribe, Bort will honor the agreement, allowing them to leave without further conflict.

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If the players refuse Bort’s offer or if they attack him, read or paraphrase the following:

If he drops below 10 hit points, Bort attempts to flee out the nearest doorway, using his action to lock it behind him. Pursuing characters may make a DC 15 Strength (Athletics) or Dexterity (Acrobatics) check, overtaking the wounded dragonborn on a success.

The Big Gay. After one full round of combat, on initiative count 20, read the following:

Immediately following this announcement, gravity reverses, sending the heavy table crashing through the skylight and dropping everyone onto the ceiling. During this round of combat, Bort switches from using his weaponry to attempting to shove the players out of the broken skylight and down into the sky.

On the next initiative count 20, gravity returns to normal, dropping everyone back onto the floor. The carpet then attacks indiscrimnately (see chapter 6) before fleeing at the end of the round.

Finally, on the next initiative count 20, the table returns, dealing 70 (20d6) bludgeoning damage to anyone beneath it when it lands.

Treasure. If Bort is killed or subdued, the characters can claim his +2 scimitar and manifold pistol. Investigation of the room uncovers a total of 550 gp in various drawers and on Bort’s person.

Concluding the Adventure

The culmination of combat provides an
opportune moment for the characters to
interrogate Bort and scrutinize the room
for any useful information. Keen
investigation may uncover clues about
the Fallen and the character’s own mysterious arrival in this world. Moreover, they might glean knowledge about the trio of elusive figures observed briefly, which serve as links to the Communist Dragons, the Smiley Gang, and the Technovores respectively. Alternatively, they may decide to claim the outpost for themselves, refurbishing it into a future haven for impending escapades.

These revelations could serve as intriguing cues for subsequent adventures, whether the characters continue their quest for the Big Gay or embark on an entirely different path that catches their interest. From this juncture onward, the direction of the campaign is up to you.

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Chapter 5 | Basilican Treasures

 

 

Chapter 5: Basilican Treasures

The fuck are teleportation circles? You mean warp pipe?

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

Magic items play a special role in Basilica. While an aptitude for casting is often a matter of chance or genetics, anyone can wield a magic sword.

The timeless nature of Basilica has allowed centuries worth of ancient magic items to pile up in remote locations across the stockpile. Should one stumble upon one of these artifacts, they may be blessed with a tool of great power—a lever by which the world can be moved.

Alternatively, they may stumble upon an eccentric creation, just as likely to kill them as it is to help.

Magic Items

Magic items may manifest from a variety of sources. Some are built in workshops and foundries, others may slip through cracks in the weave, and still others might just kind of show up.

Magic items are a fantastic opportunity to pique your characters’ interests; a player is never paying more attention than when treasure is being awarded.

Basilica can attract a deluge of magic items from other worlds, so feel free to introduce items from other settings. Alternatively, you are encouraged to create your own magical items. Rules for creating magic items can be found in chapter 9 of the Dungeon Master’s Guide.

The Big Gay

The Big Gay is a powerful artifact of unknown origins and abilities. It is said to possess immense power, but the exact nature of this power is not currently understood. Some speculate that it may have offensive capabilities, while others believe it may have defensive or utility functions. The artifact is reportedly imbued with a unique energy that seems to emanate from its core, and it is believed that this energy is the source of its power. The Big Gay’s origins are shrouded in mystery, and little is known about its history or how it came into existence.

The artifact’s name, “The Big Gay” is most likely a misnomer and should not be associated in any discriminative or disrespectful manner, rather it is an artifact of great importance and should be treated with the utmost respect. The artifact is considered to be one of the most valuable and sought-after items in all of Basilica, with many adventurers and treasure hunters seeking to claim it for themselves.

Magic Item Descriptions

This section presents an assortment of magic items in alphabetical order. See the Dungeon Master’s Guide for rules on magic items.

Age Bomb

Wondrous item, uncommon

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---

---

This small metallic bobble contains a microscopic black hole. The exterior shell is made from a mottled grey metal similar to damascus steel.

As an action, a character can hurl the bomb at a point up to 60 feet away. Each creature within 20 feet of the bomb when it explodes must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw, aging 1d100 years on a failed save.

Automatic Armor

Armor (plate), rare

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---

---

You gain a +5 bonus to Strength (Athletics) and Dexterity (Acrobatics) checks made while wearing this armor.

This heavy plate armor has been animated with the finest scripting spells this side of the Mage Cage. Should you die while wearing this armor, you may continue to act for 1 minute provided the armor is mostly intact.

At the end of this minute, the armor (with your corpse still inside) becomes an NPC controlled by the DM.

Semi-sentience. The armor has a limited awareness of its own, and is not necessarily aligned with your values. It has hearing and darkvision out to a range of 60 feet. It is incapable of verbal speech but can read and understand most languages.

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Arcane Pocket Watch

Wondrous item, very rare (requires attunement)

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---

---

A small silver pocket watch originally belonging to Zikra Sarabi. The watch hands are static, though they can be turned. Setting the watch to specific times allows the use of its different effects.

The watch has 6 charges, using any of its effects burns a single charge. Spent charges can be regained by winding the watch during a long rest.

Arcane Pocket Watch Effects

Time	Effect
1:00	A single target is deafened for 1 minute.
2:00	You mark a single target for thievery. For the next 20 minutes, you have advantage on Dexterity (Sleight of Hand) and Dexterity (Stealth) checks against them.
3:00	You instantly know the location and value of the most expensive object in the room with you.
4:00	You send a short message to a creature or person of your choice. The message is delivered by an unidentified courier within 1d4 hours.
5:00	You create an illusory gem worth up to 5000 gp. It can be determined to be fake with a successful DC 15 Intelligence (Investigation) check. The gem lasts for 5 hours before reverting to a small pile of ash.
6:00	You gain 60 ft of blindsight for 1 hour.
7:00	You cast modify memory on a single target (spell save DC 16).
8:00	You cast detect thoughts on a single target (spell save DC 16).
9:00	You cast sleep at 3rd level.
10:00	You cast knock.
11:00	You cast invisibility on yourself.
12:00	You cast disguise self (spell save DC 16).

Aristocrat’s Cube

Wondrous item, very rare

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---

---

A massive granite cube, 100 inches (8 feet and 3 inches) to a side, that can be dragged with great effort by a group of pack animals.

When touched, it can be used to produce a single gold piece ex nihilo. Requires one minute to recharge.

Bag of Multitudes

Wondrous item, uncommon

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---

---

This bag has an interior space unique to each creature that opens it. In this way the bag can be used to store more than its outside dimensions would suggest. Items stored in the bag cannot be seen or taken by anyone other than the person who originally stored them. The bag weighs a different amount for each creature carrying it—determined by the contents or their personal storage space. Retrieving an item from the bag requires an action.

Band of Glorious Ascent

Wondrous item, very rare

This ornate metal bracelet is fitted with a small blue gem on the top and a small yellow gem on the bottom.

• Using an action to tap the blue gem instantly teleports the wearer 1 mile directly upward. This may be used as many times per day as the wearer would like.

• Using an action to tap the yellow gem grants the wearer 6 seconds of resistance to all damage types, and full immunity to fall damage. This may be used exactly once per day.

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Beggar’s Cube

Wondrous item, uncommon

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---

---

A small granite cube, 1 inch to a side, that can be comfortably held in the palm of your hand.

When touched, it can be used to produce a single copper piece ex nihilo. Requires one minute to recharge.

Blasting Cane

Wondrous item, uncommon

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---

---

This ornate wooden cane is capped with bronze on one end and has a small button midway up its side. You can use a bonus action to press the button, launching you in whatever direction the cane is currently pointing.

The distance you are thrown is determined by rolling a d6 and consulting the table below.

Blasting Cane Launch Distance

d6	Distance Launched
1-3	30 feet
4	40 feet
5	50 feet
6	60 feet

Blood Coin

Wondrous item, uncommon

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---

---

A large, decorated golden coin with two ‘face’ sides.

Two willing creatures must each spill a drop of blood onto the coin and speak the name of their companion. Afterwards, the portraits on the coin will shift in appearance to resemble the two bonded creatures. From now on the coin will only react when one of the bonded creatures asks a yes-or-no question about the other. The blood on the surface of the coin will either glow or boil depending on the answer.

Is [creature’s name] safe?

Glow. The creature is safe and healthy.

Boil. The creature is in danger or wounded.

Does [creature’s name] seek my aid?

Glow. The creature is fine, and does not seek aid.

Boil. The creature is not fine, and seeks aid.

Chalice of Strength

Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

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---

---

A glimmering silver chalice adorned with smooth sapphires along its rim. It can hold up to half a pint of liquid before overflowing.

Attuning to the Chalice of Strength allows you to use an action to bless any liquid within the chalice with potent healing magic. A creature who drinks a blessed liquid from this chalice regains hit points equal to 2d8 + your spellcasting ability modifier. The drink also cures any disease afflicting them, and removes the blinded, deafened, paralyzed, and poisoned conditions. Once you use this feature, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.

Curse. Drinking a harmful liquid from the chalice heals the creature as normal. Immediately following the healing, both the target and the creature attuned to the Chalice of Strength will be afflicted by the harmful effect. Only a wish spell can remove the chalice’s curse.

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Defective Alchemy Jug

Wondrous item, rare

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---

---

This ceramic jug appears to be able to hold a gallon of liquid and weighs 12 pounds whether full or empty. Sloshing sounds can be heard from within the jug when it is shaken, even if the jug is empty.

You can use an action to name a liquid and amount from the table below. Roll a d20. On a 15 or higher, the jug produces the liquid requested. Otherwise, roll a d10 to determine the liquid, and another d10 to determine the quantity. Afterward, you can uncork the jug as an action and pour that liquid out, up to 2 gallons per minute. The cork will not fasten tightly on the jug until all of the liquid is poured out.

Once the jug starts producing a liquid, it can’t produce a different one, or more of the same, until the next dawn.

Defective Alchemy Jug Contents

Explosive Bag

Wondrous item, varies

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---

These bags appear in a variety of forms, mimicking any previously created bag.

When a creature opens the bag, a thunderous explosion erupts from within. All creatures within a 20-foot radius must make a Dexterity saving throw with a DC determined by the bag’s rarity, taking full damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The creature who opened the bag has disadvantage on this saving throw.

All flammable items in a 20-foot radius of the explosion catch on fire. The bag turns to ashes immediately after the explosion.

Explosive Bag

Rarity	Save DC	Damage
Common	10	2d10 fire damage
Uncommon	13	5d10 fire damage
Rare	15	10d10 fire damage

God’s Grace

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

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---

---

This fist-sized, ball of golden-white light floats above the palm of a hand, slowly rotating and crackling with primal arcane magic.

While in possession of this item, you may increase an ability score of your choice by 5 points (to a maximum of 25) for one minute. Once used this way, the sphere cannot be used again for 1d6 + 1 days.

Fragmentation. With 12 hours of uninterrupted concentration, a God’s Grace can be shattered, and up to six creatures of your choice may permanently increase one of their ability scores by 1 point.

Golden Cuff

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement by a creature proficient in unarmed strikes)

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---

---

While wearing this cuff, you will no longer have disadvantage for called shots, provided that you are aiming for a creature’s genitalia. Unarmed strikes you make against a creature with genitals will deal maximum damage and be considered force rather than bludgeoning.

Grenade, Arcane

Wondrous item, unknown rarity

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---

---

As an action, a character can throw a grenade at a point up to 60 feet away. With a grenade launcher, the character can propel the grenade up to 120 feet away.

Wherever the grenade lands becomes the new center for the character’s spellcasting. While active, spells are cast as if the character is standing at the impact spot, rather than their actual location.

The grenade will remain active until physically destroyed by the character or another creature.

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Hangman’s Remorse

Wondrous item, artifact (requires attunement)

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---

---

This simple leather wristband is embossed with 15 small runes. When charged, these symbols glow with a sickly green light. While in use, motes of green fire emerge from the symbols and orbit around the wearer’s wrist.

The wrstband has 5 charges. A creature attuned to the wristband can use a bonus action to expend 1 of the charges, causing one of the small flames to be snuffed out and beginning a loop. Once activated, all designated creatures may act normally until six seconds (one round of combat) have passed, at which point they are returned to the moment the wristband was activated. Everything resets to its state six seconds ago, except for the designated creatures, which gain the effects of foresight for one round.

Additional Loopers. While attuned, the wearer may choose to designate additional creatures to be looped by the Hangman’s Remorse.

The wristband regains 1 charge every 10 days.

Invisible Sword

Weapon (longsword), uncommon

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---

This magical sword is permanently invisible. Try not to lose it.

Ketchup Scimitar

Weapon (scimitar), rare (requires attunement)

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This ancient weapon was said to be first wielded by the great drombian warrior, Heinrich Ketchupbeard, who used it to great effect in battles against neighboring factions. The scimitar is made of a strange, reddish metal that seems to pulse and flow like a liquid. It is said that the blade is made of pure, concentrated ketchup, imbued with magical properties by the drombian god of war.

You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this sword. When drawn, the blade emits a faint, sweet smell of tomatoes.

In addition, the scimitar has the ability to restore the health of its wielder. As a bonus action, you may take a bite of ketchup from the blade and consume it, regaining up to half of your maximum hit points. This ability can be used once per short or long rest. In addition, each time this ability is used, the scimitar gains a permanent -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls.

Curse. This item is cursed. Attuning to it curses you until you are targeted by a remove curse spell or similar magic. As long as you remain cursed, you cannot discard this item or attack with anything other than the ketchup scimitar.

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Mad King’s Blade

Weapon (longsword), legendary (requires attunement)

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A crudely built, heavily rusted blade. Once wielded by a mysterious figure known as the Mad King, this weapon still carries residual traces of the archlich’s personality.

You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. It has the following additional properties.

Bind Foe. When you reduce a creature to 0 hit points using this blade, you may cast the animate dead spell on the fallen creature as a bonus action.

Sentience. The Mad King’s Blade is a sentient, lawful evil blade with an Intelligence of 17, a Wisdom of 10, and a Charisma of 19. It has no hearing or vision of its own, but can utilize the wielder’s senses for itself.

Personality. The Mad King’s Blade deeply resents the death of its master and will continuously try to overwrite the wielder’s mind with its own. This corruption manifests as growing rashes of rust along the wielder’s forearm.

Mad King’s Gauntlet

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

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---

A crudely built, heavily rusted gauntlet. Once worn by a mysterious figure known as the Mad King, this gauntlet still carries residual traces of the archlich’s personality.

You gain a +3 bonus to AC when not holding a shield or weapon with the gauntlet. It has the following additional properties.

Superior Shield. When you cast the shield spell while wearing this gauntlet, you take no damage from magic missile, a line spell, or any spell that requires a ranged attack roll.

Sentience. The Mad King’s Gauntlet is a sentient, lawful evil gauntlet with an Intelligence of 20, a Wisdom of 12, and a Charisma of 8. It has no hearing or vision of its own, but can utilize the wielder’s senses for itself.

Personality. The Mad King’s Gauntlet deeply resents the death of its master and will continuously try to overwrite the wielder’s mind with its own. This corruption manifests as a gradual consumption of the wielder’s hand, eventually making the gauntlet irremovable.

Mad King’s Helm

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement)

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A crudely built, heavily rusted crown of blades and metal thorns. Once worn by a mysterious figure known as the Mad King, this crown still carries residual traces of the archlich’s personality.

You gain advantage on Charisma (Intimidation) checks made while wearing this crown. It has the following additional properties.

Authority. When you cast the command spell while wearing this crown, objects can be considered valid targets.

Sentience. The Mad King’s Helm is a sentient, lawful evil gauntlet with an Intelligence of 11, a Wisdom of 9, and a Charisma of 22. It is deaf, but possesses truesight out to a range of 250 feet.

Personality. The Mad King’s Helm deeply resents the death of its master and will continuously try to overwrite the wielder’s mind with its own. This corruption manifests as spreading flecks of rust within the wearer’s irises and sclera.

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Manifold Pistol

Weapon (pistol), varies

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A simple renaissance pistol with several barrels stacked atop one another. Each bullet loaded into the gun will be duplicated and fired from all barrels simultaneously.

The rarity of a manifold pistol is determined by its number of barrels. Guns with more barrels will be considerably rarer.

Salt and Pepper Box. For each additional barrel, the pistol will receive a -1 penalty to attack rolls and +1d10 bonus to damage rolls.

Tuplets. Two or more manifold pistols kept in close proximity will merge together after 1d6 days. The new pistol will have a number of barrels equal to the total number of barrels of its component guns.

Monarch’s Cube

Wondrous item, legendary

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A colossal granite cube, 1000 inches (83 feet and 3 inches) to a side, that might be moved with significant difficulty by a small city-state.

When touched, it can be used to produce a single platinum piece ex nihilo. Requires one minute to recharge.

Movable Rod

Rod, common

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This simple, 5 foot metal rod has a small slider at its center. You can use an action to move the slider, which allows the rod’s length to be adjusted between 0 and 30 feet long.

Decreasing the rod’s length to 0 feet will cause it to permanently vanish, impossible to retrieve by any means short of a wish spell.

Penance Prism

Wondrous item, rare

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This small dagger is formed from a shard of crystalline glass. You can activate it as an action, pointing it at a creature within 15 feet of you. The dagger rings with a faint bell-like sound, and the target is banished to a harmless demiplane linked to the dagger. While there, the target is incapacitated and remains in a state of suspended animation.

Whenever you use the dagger, roll a d20. If the result is less than the target’s challenge rating + the number of creatures currently within the dagger, it shatters and all creatures within are released, appearing in any unoccupied spaces nearby.

Perennial Embers

Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

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These glowing embers come in a small, fireproof satchel. While holding the embers with a free hand, harmless flames wreath your body, seeming to shift and twist in tune with your movements. These flames shed bright light in a 20-foot radius and dim light for an additional 20 feet. While ablaze, you deal an additional 2d6 fire damage to any target you hit. The flames last until you drop the embers or return them to their satchel.

Pineapple Blade

Weapon (scimitar), legendary (requires attunement)

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You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon.

This twisted sword is formed from the arm of a man named Pineapple. The hilt is a desiccated human hand clutching a blade of bone forged in the style of an

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ancient falchion: single-edged and wider at the tip than the base.

Woe to the Vanquished. After you hit a creature with an attack using this weapon, you can use your next Attack action to make a special melee attack and deal half the previous damage to up to 5 creatures that have been cut with the blade in the last hour. If you’re able to make multiple attacks with the Attack action, this attack replaces one of them.

Potion of Methadone

Potion, rare

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When you drink this potion, you gain a moderate reduction in withdrawal symptoms associated with opioid addiction for one week.

Retractable Fangs

Wondrous item, common (requires attunement by a creature with a mouth)

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While worn, these fangs can be deployed or retracted at will. While retracted the fangs are indistinguishable from your normal teeth. While deployed, they are considered natural weapons, which you may use to make unarmed strikes. On a hit, you deal piercing damage equal to 1d4 + your Strength modifier.

While attuned, your teeth glow in the dark, providing dim light in a 5-foot radius.

Return Bobble

Wondrous item, common

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This small, sand-filled glass sphere is a trinket commonly carried by adventurers who plan to delve into dangerous or unknown areas. A creature can use a bonus action to shake the bobble and whisper a precise amount of time (e.g. 5 minutes) into the swirling sands. After the specified amount of time has elapsed, the creature will be teleported to an unoccupied space within a few feet of the bobble, provided the two are on the same plane of existence.

Once this property is used, it can’t be used again until the next dawn.

Ring of Badger Summoning

Ring, very rare

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This onyx-black ring is adorned with a band of red crystal inlaid onto its outside edge. While wearing the ring you can use an action to summon 1d4 + 2 badgers. The badgers appear in an unoccupied space you choose within 10 feet of you. While summoned, the badgers are hostile towards you and your companions.

Once used this way, the ring can’t be used again until the following morning.

Curse. This item is cursed. When worn around the thumb, the ring latches onto your finger, and cannot be removed. While you are in possession of the ring, it will continue to gain charges regardless of whether it is used. When used, the ring automatically expends all accumulated charges. Casting remove curse will reset the stored charges, but will not remove the ring.

Rock of Regeneration

Wondrous item, uncommon

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Maintaining physical contact with this rock causes you to regain 1 hit point every 10 minutes. If you lose a body part, the rock causes the missing part to regrow and return to full functionality after 1d10 + 1 days if you have at least 1 hit point the whole time.

Striking a creature with the rock of regeneration will deal 1d4 points of bludgeoning damage and then cause the same creature to regain 1d4 hit points.

Rod of Disintegration

Rod, rare (requires attunement)

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You can use an action to point this rod at a creature within 120 feet and cause the rod to disintegrate into a pile of fine gray ash. Once used this way, the rod cannot be used again. Obviously.

Rod of Vacant Red

Rod, rare

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This short ceramic rod is tipped on one end with an elaborate shimmering gemstone; the other end appears to be broken. Plunging the broken end into a willing creature will cause one of their formerly internal organs to appear in an unoccupied space within 5 feet. Make a DC 16 Medicine check. On a failure, the rod removes something important and the creature begins making death saving throws.

The creature may be stabilized by healing magic, but will require a spell such as regenerate to revive. Regardless of the outcome, the creature is cured of all diseases, conditions, and other physical ailments currently ailing it.

At the DM’s discretion this process may also impose disadvantage and/or speed penalties should the rod remove a bone or other important structural organ.

Sending Brick

Wondrous item, common

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This 10-15 pound stone brick allows you to connect up to ten sending pebbles simultaneously.

Sending Pebble

Wondrous item, common

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Sending pebbles allow simple communication across long distances. While holding a pebble, you can use an action to cast sending from it. The target is the bearer of another known pebble.

When in use, each pebble can send a maximum of five words per day.

Chapter 5 | Basilican Treasures

 

 

Sepal Shield

Armor (shield), uncommon

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This bracer is adorned with an intricate carving of a closed flower. With a thought you can cause the flower to open, transforming the bracer into a shield.

You can don and doff this shield as a bonus action.

Sundry Weave

Wondrous item, uncommon

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This magical item appears to be a monkey’s fist knot made of coarse rope, around the size of a softball. The knot is at the end of a length of rope that can be comfortably tied around the waist or shoulder.

Six seconds of sustained contact allows a living creature to enter an extradimensional space inside the knot. This space is a 15 foot diameter sphere, with walls made of what seems to be rope similar to that of the exterior. Creatures may remain inside the knot indefinitely and return outside with a thought.

A creature can bring up to their own weight in equipment into the knot with them. Equipment may be left in the knot, provided it is brought inside by a willing creature. The knot has an internal volume of 1,750 cubic feet, though a creature cannot enter the knot without room to hold them. The knot weighs 1.5 pounds, regardless of its contents.

If the knot is unraveled, pierced, or torn, it ruptures and is destroyed, and its contents are scattered throughout the Astral Plane.

Tablet of Unimpeded Sight

Wondrous item, very rare

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By activating this heavy tablet, you gain unimpeded vision for as long as you are stationary and maintaining concentration. To you, solid objects appear transparent and don’t prevent light from passing through them.

Your vision can penetrate 10 feet of stone, 1 foot of common metal, or up to 30 feet of wood or dirt. Thicker substances block the vision, as does a thin sheet of rarer metal, such as lead or adamantine.

The tablet has 10 charges, upon expending the last charge it becomes nonmagical and cannot be used again.

Chapter 5 | Basilican Treasures

 

 

Talisman of the Undying

Wondrous item, rare

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While wearing this talisman, should you take enough damage to be killed outright, you instead drop to 0 hit points and are rendered unconscious.

Once used this way, the talisman becomes inert until you complete a short or long rest.

The Antithesis

Wondrous item, legendary (requires attunement by a creature of evil alignment)

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A twisted, evil inversion of a God’s Grace, the Antithesis appears to be a cracked obsidian sphere, surrounded by a corona of red fire. While a God’s Grace is an item of giving, the Antithesis knows only theft, corruption, and destruction.

Over an 8 hour period, you sap away the spirit of a creature you touch, permanently reducing one of the target’s ability scores by 5 points. In return, you may increase one of your ability scores by 1, to a maximum of 25.

Curing an afflicted target requires the use of greater restoration or wish. Doing so will cause you to lose any ability scores harvested from the creature.

World Line Tracker

Wondrous item, uncommon

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This item appears to be a fist-sized, black orb with a small porthole allowing view of the inside. The inside seems to be swirling with a faintly glowing, purple liquid.

Gazing into the ball allows you to see a birds-eye-view of your entire world line. The line appears in a black void, with only the shape of your path to provide context for location. Additionally, you can see any spot where another creature’s world line intersects yours in both time and space.

With a successful Wisdom (History) check, you may view another creature’s world line up to 500 miles in either direction from the point of intersection. The DC is determined by your familiarity with the creature you are attempting to track.

Yeoman’s Cube

Wondrous item, rare

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A hefty granite cube, 10 inches to a side, that can be held with some difficulty in two hands.

When touched, it can be used to produce a single silver piece ex nihilo. Requires one minute to recharge.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6: Friends & Foes

Man fuck the kuo tou, they sTole like half m world

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

It should not be surprising that the turmoil of an untethered world will shape its inhabitants. The stockpile is home to a staggering variety of creatures, each of which is uniquely suited to the strange environments they call home. From the bizarre and absurd to the simply unconventional, this world is home to a wide array of weird and wonderful monsters and NPCs that are sure to test the limits of even the most experienced adventurer.

This chapter provides stat blocks for many of these creatures, and it concludes with a collection of nonplayer characters who inhabit the various layers of Basilica.

Humans & People

There exists a distinction in terminology amongst the many unaligned inhabitants of Basilica.

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The people living in the Upside-Down City, called ‘upside-down people’, are just humans (the race).

This should clear up all confusion surrounding the usage of these words.

Bestiary

The following pages provide stat blocks for various creatures of Basilica, arranged in alphabetical order. For guidance on how to use a creature’s stat block, see the introduction of the Monster Manual.

Stat Blocks by Creature Type

Here are lists of the creatures in this bestiary, sorted by creature type.

Aberrations

Conchie

Beasts

Bassilk
Chuck Wasabi
Dire Pig
Ethrosaurus Dux
Tyrannosaurus Rex

Celestials

Akrobar
Seraphiel

Constructs

Domestic Flying Sword
Illusionist’s Dragon
Rug of Smothering
Technovore

Dragons

Adult Communist Dragon
Ancient Communist Dragon
Communist Dragon Wyrmling
Young Communist Dragon

Elementals

Transuranic Elemental

Fey

Bat Rider

Humanoids

Crahm Toos
Crotch-Shot
Darwin-Hitler Hybrid
Deep Swimmer
Drombian
Dry Walker
Em-Jay
Finch
Horseback Kobold
Kobold
Kyle Brown
Micro-Pensie
Respect Goblin
Sex Goblin
Sex Goblin Dom
Sex Goblin Sub
Shrek
The Top Gay
Trevor Martell
Walter Haynes

Monstrosities

Awful Wolf-Thing
Crowcat
Dwarf Tarrasque
Loli
Lute-Vuvuzela
Narwhal
ROHO
Sparrowfox
The Gargantuan Gay
Wolfspider

Undead

Arch Lich Karl Marx

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Akrobar

A degenerate variant of the more common planetar, an akrobar is the result of an aarakocra ascending to the ranks of the divine and being gifted the mantle of planetar. However, since aarakocra already have a pair of wings, the addition of a second pair of wings causes them a great deal of difficulty while attempting to fly.

Akrobars are muscular and have opalescent green feathers across their bodies and vast wings on their backs. They tower over most humanoids, brandishing immense javelins with grace. Unfortunately this is about the only thing they do with grace, as their cumbersome extra wings interfere with most physical activities.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Auswahlian Soldiers

Children of decades of eugenic research, Auswahlian soldiers were created to serve the interests of the Auswahl in its unending quest for genetic perfection.

Bred for War. Auswahlian soldiers were carefully cultivated through generations of controlled breeding programs performed on populations both with and without consent. These programs resulted in highly specialized creatures, uniquely adapted to their particular roles within the Aushwal’s military hierarchy.

Finch

The Finches are the pinnacle of the Auswahl’s physical prowess. Nearly perfect genetic specimens, these warriors are born with natural weaponry spliced into their DNA before birth. They are imbued with tremendous strength and agility, at the expense of higher-level intelligence. Obedient to orders above even their own self preservation, they are dispatched and disposed of without restraint—all in the name of furthering the Auswahl’s goals.

Micro-Pensie

The Micro-Pensie are perhaps the most invaluable tool in the Auswahl’s arsenal. Around the size of a mote of dust, these genetically engineered super-spies provide the Auswahl with panopticon surveillance of every nook and cranny throughout the stockpile. They speak and perceive through chemical signaling, meaning that their particular mode of observation could most accurately be likened to a long-range sense of taste.

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Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Bassilk

A Bassilk is an unusual amalgamation of life, a hybrid born from the convergence of the aquatic and the artisanal. Despite their strange genesis, these creatures are captivating in their own unique way, with the streamlined body of a bass shimmering with iridescent scales, crowned by tufts of extraordinarily fine, glossy silk in place of fins.

Draconic Companions. The Communist Dragons harbor a distinct fondness for these peculiar creatures, taking them in as cherished pets while also valuing them for their consistent production of premium silk. This abundant resource is widely used within the dragons’ society, lending its strength and elegance to various creative applications.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Bat Rider

Bat riders are small, pixie-like fey creatures that have a strong connection to magic. They are known for their ability to tame and ride bats, which they use to harass enemies from afar. Thry are ranged specialists, using their magic missile spell and longbow attacks to strike at foes from a distance.

Despite their small size, bat riders are formidable foes. They are agile and quick, able to evade attacks and strike back with deadly accuracy. The keen hearing and ability to use echolocation granted by their mounts allow them to navigate even the darkest of environments, but they are vulnerable to being deafened, which can impair their abilities.

Though they may act in an unpredictable manner, bat riders are not necessarily malicious. They are chaotic neutral in alignment, and can often be found in forests and caves, living in small communities or as solitary hunters. But beware—their quick reflexes and ranged specialization still make them formidable opponents.

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Chimeric Beasts

Chimeric beasts are a frustratingly unoriginal creation, often taking the form of a mismatched hybrid of two or more animals. They are a result of reckless and careless magical experimentation, combining different creatures in a seemingly arbitrary fashion. These hybrid monsters range from the absurd, such as a cat with a crow’s head and three tails, to the bizarre, such as a snake with the legs of a lion.

These monstrous abominations are not only aesthetically displeasing, but also dangerous. Their combined abilities and strengths can make them formidable foes, and their strange nature makes them unpredictable and difficult to defeat.

Crowcat

This small, feline creature has the body of a housecat, but with the sharp beak and feathers of a crow. It is agile and stealthy, and uses its beak and claws to attack its prey. With the DM’s permission, a person who casts the find familiar spell can choose to conjure a crowcat instead of a normal cat.

Narwhal

The narwhal is a rare hybrid, the illegitimate child of a dolphin and a unicorn. Stuck between two worlds,
the narwhal is often stranded,
without guidance or purpose in its strange life.

Sparrowfox

The sparrowfox is an odd creature, combining
the cunning and wit of a fox with the agility and swiftness of a sparrow. It flits about with quick,
graceful movements, using its fox-like cunning to outwit predators and procure food for itself.

Wolfspider

This monstrous hybrid has the body of a wolf, but with the eight legs and venomous fangs of a spider. It is a fierce and cunning hunter, and uses its spider legs to climb and ambush its victims.

Awful Wolf-Thing

I honestly don’t know what this thing is. It makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Everyone we’ve sent to investigate it hasn’t come back. We’re pretty sure they’re not even dead, I think this gross leg-wolf-thing just stares at them until they get creeped out and leave.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Communist Dragons

Communist deaden curry could be easily msgr into a lich lait

—Kyle Brown, Sex Goblins & Communist Dragons

Grandiose and studious, communist dragons can be seen soaring between the layers, participating in complex trade in order to sustain their economy. They guard their homelands against all unwanted trespassers, particularly the sex goblins.

A communist dragon can be easily recognized by its grey scales and blood-red wings, lacking an alignment with any particular element, as would be expected of a more traditional dragon.

Sociable Creatures. Communist dragons operate within a rigorously defined economic and political system, under the eternal rule of the Arch Lich Karl Marx. These dragons follow a modified form of religious communism in which personal value is determined by economic clout. As such, they generally lack a formal hoard, focused more on cultivating a favorable position for themselves within the economy.

A Communist Dragon’s Lair

Communist dragons dwell in hollowed out caverns along the length of the Dragon’s Talon. A communist dragon’s lair is typically marked by deep gouges across the walls, carved by hand from the side of the fossilized shell. Looming spires of onyx seem to grow from the surrounding landscape, said to be a gift from the Arch Lich Karl Marx.

Lair Actions

On initiative count 20 (losing initiative ties), the dragon takes a lair action to cause one of the following effects; the dragon can’t use the same effect two rounds in a row:

• The dragon banishes one creature it can see within 120 feet to the gulags. To escape, the creature must succeed on a DC 15 Strength saving throw or take 10 (1d10) force damage and remain in the gulags until the end of their next turn.
• Gold coins within 1 mile of the dragon’s lair turn to ash and rot away. Each creature loses 200 gp; if they have less than that amount, they instead take 35 (10d6) necrotic damage.

Regional Effects

The region containing a legendary communist dragon’s lair is warped by the dragon’s magic, which creates one or more of the following effects:

• Growths of onyx sprout from the ground within 3 miles of the dragon’s lair.
• Farm animals within 6 miles gradually develop speech and begin walking on two legs.

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If the dragon dies, the spires crumble within 1d10 days. Farm animals lose the ability to talk, but continue to walk on two legs.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Crotch-Shot

Standing at only crotch level, these
strange little creatures are known for
their worship of the legendary
Golden Cuff. This revered object
imbues them with the ability to
deliver a devastating, magically-
augmented punch; one that is often
aimed at the genitals of other races.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs are an ancient clade of reptiles that occasionally cross the veil to Basilica. Two dinosaurs are described below, often found in pairs. Statblocks for a variety of other dinosaurs may be found on page 79 of the Monster Manual.

Tyrannosaurus Rex

An enormous predator, highly derived for hunting and scavenging. While its body may be large, its arms are unfortunately tiny, having become nearly entirely vestigial. This creature can often be found hunting in a pair with an ethrosaurus dux.

Ethrosaurus Dux

While small, this reptile has enormous arms which
it uses to brachiate throughout its territory. Its
wicked talons are said to be able to shear through
solid steel. This creature can often be found
hunting in a pair with a tyrannosaurus rex.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Dire Pig

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Domestic Flying Sword

The domestic flying sword is a common sight in the middle layers of the stockpile. These intelligent creatures are often used as a form of transportation, with riders mounting them like a flying surfboard. Though they are domesticated, flying swords require extensive training to be ridden safely. They are highly agile and can reach impressive speeds, making them a popular choice for those looking to traverse the layers quickly. In combat, flying swords are highly skilled at maneuvering through the air and can deliver powerful blows with their sharp edges. Though they are typically docile, they will fiercely defend their riders if threatened.

Drombian

The drombians are a unique race known for their ruddy orange skin and pickled appearance. Their skin is slightly rough to the touch, as if it has been soaked in brine. They have a strong connection to their heritage and value tradition, often incorporating it into their daily lives. Despite their tough exterior, drombians are known for their kind hearts and are always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need. However, be careful not to anger them—it is said that when a drombian is upset, their blood turns to ketchup.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Dwarf Tarrasque

Dwarf tarrasques are miniature versions
of the fearsome tarrasque. Despite their
small stature, dwarf tarrasques are incredibly
resilient and can easily carry riders on their backs.
They are prized by adventurers and travelers for
their speed and endurance, and are often used as animal mounts. Their compact size and agile nature make them well suited for navigating rough terrain,
and their powerful jaws and sharp claws make
them capable protectors in dangerous situations. Whether galloping across open plains or plodding through treacherous mountains, dwarf tarrasques are a reliable and dependable choice for those seeking an animal mount.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Em-Jay

The em-jays are a race composed entirely of genetic clones of Michael Jackson. They are extremely susceptible to Falling, nearly always infected with the false dream of the same fictional past life—a life where they were, as described by many members of the species, a ‘popstar’.

As they are all genetically male, they require other races to reproduce. A coupling between a compatible race and an em-jay produces a new em-jay around half of the time. Otherwise it simply results in a normal infant of the recipient race, with heritage from both of their parents.

Their origin is unknown, though most assume they are simply another failed experiment of the Auswahl. Regardless of how they were first introduced to the stockpile, they have become an uncommon but resilient species, gradually moonwalking their way into new environments all throughout Basilica.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Illusionist’s Dragon

A terrifying beast stalks the middle layers. Residents of nearby towns describe a titan of flame and claw, a dragon that dwarfs even the strongest warriors.

While there are actual dragons on Basilica, the dragons spotted around the middle of the stockpile, those of a more typical variety then the communist dragons, are often not what they seem. Rather than an actual draconic power, there is an order of mages specializing in illusions, particularly those designed to resemble dragons. By hiding within these illusions, they can extort unsuspecting townsfolk for riches or other services.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Kobolds

Found on the grasslands of the Great Plains, kobolds are small reptilian humanoids that find strength in numbers and generally roam the countryside in large packs of marauders. It is said that they once worshipped the original dragons, prior to their communist revolution, but lost contact as their monarchs retreated to their carbonate cities.

Revolutionaries. Some quirk of their cultural psyche lends kobolds to take up arms in the pursuit of a well-meaning but often foolhardy goal. As an example, many kobolds consider themselves literally ‘at war’ with the patriarchy. They frequently stage mass bra-burnings, glorious celebrations of equality that can last hours or even days. However, as reptiles, kobolds lack breasts, so whose bras they are burning and how exactly they ‘acquired’ them may somewhat undermine the message of these events.

Horseback Kobolds. Their nomadic lifestyle on the Great Plains has led many groups of kobolds to adopt the practice of horseback riding. These mounted combatants are often more deadly than their counterparts, and in a pinch are liable to flee battle only to return with reinforcements several days later. The statblock for a warhorse may be found on page 340 of the Monster Manual.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Loli

A loli is an unsettling, misproportioned little humanoid that inhabits the dark corners of the stockpile, occasionally crawling out from its den to snack on the young of other creatures and people. They generally appear to have loose-fitting, slightly mottled skin, with a shock of colorful hair and strange, half-formed facial features.

Unintentional Creations. The lolis are well known to be an accidental creation of the Auswahl. After their creation, they spread like cockroaches, nearly impossible to root out once settled in a new location.

Reproduction. Being hermaphroditic, the lolis reproduce via cloacal kiss. This is exactly as disgusting as it sounds.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Lute-Vuvuzela

The lute-vuvuzela is a terrifying nocturnal hunter, formed from the pair-bonding of a griffon and a gnoll. By wearing a bag of holding on its back, the gnoll is able to covertly sneak the much larger, deadly creature into spaces it wouldn’t otherwise be able to reach. Conversely, the griffon provides the more intelligent gnoll the transportation it needs to truly dominate the environment in which the pair finds themselves.

Origins. It is widely believed that the first lute-vuvuzela’s were the creation of a deeply misguided witch with a penchant for rhyming.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

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Dry Merperson

The terrestrial merpeople (also called dry walkers) dwell in a dry bubble in the center of their society. They have adapted to life on land and possess legs, allowing them to walk and travel on land. They are notable for their unique magic that allows them to connect to and control their aquatic counterparts. They possess a capitalist society, and their economy is based on trade and commerce.

Wet Merperson

The aquatic merpeople (also called deep swimmers) dwell in the water of God’s Tear and possess the ability to swim and move through the water with great speed and agility as a result of their lack of legs. They are connected to their terrestrial counterparts through a unique form of magic and are known for their ability to control the movement of large bodies of water.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

ROHO

Believed by many to be the original inhabitants of Basilica, these small, somewhat bird-like creatures seem to aimlessly roam the hills and valleys of the stockpile without rest. They often congregate outside of villages, or in the corner of town squares, contentedly squawking away in babblespeech.

While they are largely harmless, adventurers will rarely try to kill these creatures, as the panicked squawks of one will typically attract several more. As a result, most adventurers will simply carry the docile, toddler-sized creatures to a new location when they begin causing a problem.

It’s unclear if these creatures are actually sapient, or just somewhat clever wild animals. They possess language, likely the original speakers of babblespeech, the oldest, most primordial language on Basilica. However, even if their babblespeech can be successfully translated, the things they talk about often seem to be absurd, and only loosely rooted in reality.

The ROHOs, of course, have little concern for these questions. Instead, they are content to wander the layers of the stockpile, happily babbling nonsense while empires rise and fall.

Banshees. The cries of the ROHO are occasionally mistaken for the howl of a banshee, leading to the misconception that the spectral beings are far more common than they actually are.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes

 

 

Rug of Smothering

An elderly adventurer sets down their sword for a final time. Placing the legendary blade upon the mantle, they step back and appreciate the result of a life of hard work. They breathe in their first breath of retired life, and smile contentedly before turning to return to their spot by the fireside.

Their stride carries them across the worn, familiar carpet in the center of their living room. At their first step upon the woven fabric, the rug springs to life, wrapping around its unsuspecting victim and squeezing the life from their body.

A fate such as this is commonplace, as this is in fact the secret identity of every carpet in Basilica.

Chapter 6 | Friends & Foes