Jermling

Oh gods, what is that thing?

“No, Chat, I’m not going to do it!” is the common refrain from Jermlings shortly before doing foolhardy things. Who or what Chat is remains a mystery to everyone, including Jermlings. Some dispute their sentience, while others merely view them as manipulatable entities. However, most secretly fear their violent tendencies, however well they may be hidden.

Physical Description

All Jermlings have the same general appearance - seemingly a Human, but notably shorter than average. They have brown hair and blue eyes, with faces that can make a variety of expressions except any that have anything behind the eyes. Their skin is pale from their indoor lifestyle potentially due to malnutrition - ancestral stories talk about vomiting confectionaries onto the sleeping places of their mothers. No Jermling has facial hair longer than a stubble, with them claiming to shave even if they have no access to materials for shaving. Their posteriors seem to be of normal size until they will it to be large, typically when running away from a threat. This does not seem to have a biological advantage.

Out of Place, Yet Still Here

Jermlings are strange creatures that do not have permanent settlements. They often hang around vermin (such as rats) in cities when not attempting to appease their respective Chats. They sometimes wander into settlements, where they are greeted with admiration, curiosity, hostility, or the blade of a sword, depending on the settlement. They are beings of pure chaos, putting any other race with this title to shame in terms of fulfilling it. Their life is seemingly dependent on their Chat, so their energy goes towards keeping it "entertained". Some Chats seem to be more benevolent, rewarding monster slaying and other good deeds, while others just want to watch the world burn.

Chat-Bound Freaks

Jermlings are all subservient to an entity known as Chat. Chat is a mysterious group of beings that control almost every aspect of a Jermling's life. Nobody is sure if the relationship between a Jermling and its Chat is friendly, neutral, or hostile - it is possible that it varies between Jermlings and it can be multiple states at the same time. A Jermling has a telepathic link between itself and its Chat, which secretly grants messages to it. No other entity can determine the messages Chat sends to a Jermling, though Jermlings often exclaim that they will not do a Chat command shortly before doing it. Communication is done "on stream" - presumably being a "stream of consciousness". They are also seemingly superstitious folk, believing that they have debts that they can alleviate by trying to pull off amazing stunts to shave millions of gold off of their debts and that the number 23 is unlucky.

Relations with other races

Jermlings are enigmatic to others and others are typically mere playthings to Jermlings.

All Other Races. "What the $&#@ is that?" - common reaction to seeing a Jermling for the first time

"No, Chat, I won't kill that person to attempt to satisfy my inner burning rage towards sentient life!" - Jeremy Elbertson, shortly before committing murder

Adventuring For Chat

Some Jermlings adventure to satisfy the whims of their Chat. They often do risky maneuvers to entertain those around them alongside Chat, but practically turn in an instant into a homicidal maniac when it would be humorous. Due to their blatant disregard for sentient life, they are perfect for performing unscrupulous activities as long as they are novel and entertaining.

Life Outside of Chat

Jermlings are not always beholden to Chat, occasionally having time off. Their favorite pastimes when not appeasing Chat are searching for vehicular accidents (finding them humorous), performing actions not fit for printing, and engaging in the behaviors of a serial killer. The last activity lends credence to the theory that Jermlings are actually sentient and not simply reacting to stimulus, as their plans are all meticulously planned.

Jermling Names

All Jermlings have almost identical names.

Names: Jerma, Jerma, Jerma, Jerma, Jerma, Jerma, Jeremy

Family Names: 985, Elbertson

Jermling Traits

Your Jermling character shares the following traits with all other Jermlings.

Ability Score Increase. Your Charisma ability score increases by 2 .

Age. Jermlings mature at roughly the same rate as humans, with young Jermlings appearing to be scaled-down versions of adult Jermlings. They are considered adults after they accomplish a sufficiently dangerous task, such as fighting giant enemy spiders. Their typical maximum age is unknown, as they tend to die from unnatural causes before then and do not visibly age.

Alignment. Jermlings are strictly any Chaotic alignment, tending towards moral Neutrality or Evil.

Size. Jermlings are all roughly 5’8” and average 140 pounds. Your size is Small.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 35 feet. Jermlings are known to dart around mischievously.

Psychopathic Outlet. Channeling your inner burning rage towards all living beings to pierce defenses, you may add +1 to an attack roll. This can be done a number of times per day equal to your Proficiency Bonus.

Chat. All Jermlings are subject to the whims of Chat, having a secure and unseverable connection to it.

Chat's Wealth and Wrath. You may "consult" Chat to affect the outcome of a skill check or attack roll you make. When you do, roll a die. If the result is odd, Chat is displeased and a -2 penalty is applied. If the result is even, Chat is pleased a +2 bonus is applied. You may do this a number of times per day equal to half your level (minimum of once).

Paranoid Tendencies. You have advantage on checks to see through disguises and to determine the nature of suspicious activities.

Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common, and speak Jermish. Jermish is a language that is composed of sentences using rapid “ep beep” sounds, implying meaning telepathically. Jermish does not have a written form.

"Zerking Off"

Some Jermlings have discussed "zerking off on stream" with their Chats, according to anecdotal reports. It is unknown what "zerking off" is, but many assume that it involves the currently-unknown method of Jermling creation.