Art by [Simon Sweetman](https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/sifsweetman/)

# Cooking across the Forgotten Realms

###### Written by Tyler Wilding ###### Based off of a series of videos by [Matt Webb](https://www.tiktok.com/@mattstormcrow)

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Art by [Lucas Firmino](https://www.artstation.com/lucasfirminoart) # Dwarven Cuisine ###### "*Godsdamned highborn expecting beef and chicken and sliced ham. Do they think we have pastures beneath the earth?*" - Bunmiir Stoutfinder, head chef at the March of Shadows.
Dwarf cuisine is adapted to the underground environments most dwarven civilizations prefer. Profound darkness means these determined individuals are unable to farm traditional livestock and are restricted to fish from underground lakes and rivers, along with what plants and fungi can grow without sunlight.
This results in a pescatarian's dream - grilled herring, diced and charred carp, and fried bass share a plate with all sorts of mushrooms I could scarcely name. Like humans, they consume White Trumpets and the Sawtooth, but they cultivate more unusual types as well. "Kikros" they call the one made of delicate sheets woven together. "Logemme" is a hearty, red-fleshed fungus served broiled. Placed as far from dwellings as possible are tall earthen vats, which emit a foul odor. Within are layers of fermenting fish, alternated with salt and flavorful species of fungi too tough for a dish. Defying expectations, the end result is a flavorful sauce which brings a heartiness to any dish and bears none of the miasma of its creation. Many dwarves eat it with their fish, but more still use it to flavor what vegetables and breads can be bought from the surface. I even saw some dilute their sauce as a suppertime drink. It cannot be overstated how important to the Dwarven lifestyle strong drinks are. All races have methods of preserving food, but many are denied to the Dwarves. Smoking meats is ill-advised in confined caves, and they cannot dry food in the sun and wind. Rock salt is plentiful, but anyone would tire of all their foods being so heavily salted. Thus they turned to fermentation, and from it, an uncountable variety of drinks. Warm meads, hearty fungal beers, and even highly refined wines share space with strong liquors and weak drinks suitable for the young and infirm.

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Art by [Temarinde](https://www.deviantart.com/temarinde) # Elven Cuisine ###### *"If you are cold, tea will warm you; if you are too heated, it will cool you; if you are depressed, it will cheer you; if you are excited, it will calm you."* - a gentle elder elf who refused to tell me his name, to my frustration and his amusement.
The Elven diet is wide and varied, perhaps more so than even those of us who prefer an urban lifestyle. Fish and venison were a welcome sight, but unexpectedly I found them accompanied by rodents and insects, which were consumed as readily as any other beast. Fruits, nuts, and various vegetables found themselves at every meal. While it is believed that the forest-dwellers do not practice agriculture, I found that they plant small plots and change the crop with each harvest. Their equivalent to the potato - a wooden, tuberous root - has a nutlike flavor all of its own. It was my opportunity to accompany some of the elves on a harvesting expedition. In our journey I was treated to the bounty of the forest: small, dark berries; wrinkled green fruit with a pear-like interior, and finger-sized brown nuts. At our destination we found a tree bearing scaled fruits, which had a bark almost writhing with insect life. The elves built a small fire with green wood, creating a great deal of smoke, and by gentle magic confined the smoke to the tree. Within minutes the insects had fallen to be eagerly collected. This, more than anything, I was hesitant to try, but the meaty flavor and crunchy texture was so like that of bacon that I finished my portion in moments. More fascinating even then their cuisine is their exploration of teas. My own upbringing introduced me to a small variety of leafy teas, but to the Elves, this is but one of many "arrama." This word has no direct translation, meaning all at once medication, drink, rest, and socialization. Each illness of the body, or indeed the soul, can be treated with a bark scraping, a root, or indeed some leaves boiled in water. For every season, nay, every day there is a tea!

> ##### A Humbling Experience > I found myself humbled by the experience and wisdom of the people who had so graciously allowed me to visit. During my stay, I must confess, I considered the Elven teas nothing more than drinks. Drinks with tradition? Certainly. Drinks that deserved respect? Clearly. But *useful?* No. > > Yet I was careless when travelling and did find myself attacked by a local serpent! I attempted to treat it with my own poultice and alcohol, but the venom had already begun its work. It would not slay me, but it kept me awake my second night. Upon seeing my lethargy and bad humor, the Elves insisted I drink of a tea prepared from two different leaves - one triangular and round, the other long and thin. Dear reader, know that my relief as the pain faded and sleep took me was only overcome by my embarassment at my previous arrogance!

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Art by Wizards of the Coast # Goblin Cuisine ###### *"Look! Look! When 'babble babble babble' it is unready but when ready it 'HISSSSSSS!'"* - Zo, a young goblin child describing the auditory cues she uses while cooking.
Our long history of hostility with goblin cultures has led us to consider them savages, who surely consumed their meat raw, perhaps engaging in cannabilism. Yet the peace in recent decades allowed me the opportunity to attend a week-long trade meeting. Upon hearing I was preparing a culinary codex, the diminiutive chefs became excited and invited (or demanded) me to write an entry about them. My hosts, it must be said, were extremely accomodating. Though I found myself tall enough to duck under their doorframes and dodge their fixtures, they considered my height a thing of great sport. Opon realizing the length of my reach, they insisted I join them in preparation. Of all the things I have learned of goblinkind, it became clear that their famously short attention span is a reality. Because of this, goblins have sought a way for food preparation and consumption itself to be entertaining, and thus their favorite form of cooking is frying. There is no food which cannot be improved on through batter and hot oil, they tell me. The kitchen was packed with several goblins who pushed and shoved their way around a large steel bowl, blackened with repeated use. They lit a flame and introduced some well-used (but filtered) cooking oil. Reader, the childlike glee they shared as the battered food hissed and bubbled; the simultaneous "ooo" of delight as we turned over the poultry to reveal a beautiful golden brown; the anticipation in their eyes as they insisted I take the first bite... it was contagious. I have seldom had as much fun (nor gotten as greasy) as I did that night.

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Art by [Scott Murphy](https://www.etsy.com/shop/murphyillustration) # Lizardfolk Cuisine ###### *"Your pinkskin tongue is too tender for our foods. Here, take some of what we give to hatchlings."* - Well-intentioned (but insufficient) warning.
It is a wonderful coincidence that, despite the anatomical differences between us and the scaled folk, we share an ability to feel the fire of spicy foods. Worryingly (or amusingly, depending on your perspective,) Lizardfolk have either a natural or cultural taste for the heat that exceeds most other palates. In all their dishes take caution. What is "not at all fiery" is enough to satisfy most people, and "hatchling" levels of heat I found unbearable. Growing and living in swamps, rivers, and other wetlands, their historical agriculture relies on plant life which thrives while inundated. it is no surprise that rice features heavily in their cuisine. It forms a foundation for every meal, to the point that it has largely disappeared from their vocabulary. "Pork" means "pork with rice;" and "sauced fish" will always be served on a white rice bed. Fish, crabs, and other crustaceans are also served whenever possible. Most fascinating were the rice *desserts* I was served. These, thankfully, were rarely spiced with peppers. Of note was an exotic form of rice prepared with the juice of an enormous sweet nut, topped with a soft yellow fruit. ``` ``` > ##### The myth of cannibalism > When initially I asked about visiting a lizardfolk town to sample and document their culinary habits, I received a great deal of concern that *I* would become the center of one of their meals. I was assured by the fine people of the village that there are only a few lizardfolk who consume the flesh of other intelligent beings, and that I was "far too stringy and bookish" to make a good meal regardless.

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Art by [Damon Westenhofer](https://www.deviantart.com/damonwestenhofer) # Orc Cuisine ###### *"Lots of meat, a little milk, whatever plants you can find."* - the closest thing to a recipe I was ever given for the "road stew" we ate.
Far from the classic image of the barbarian roaming tribes, Orc cuisine is as well-developed and complex as any other I have encountered. It is freeform, guided by tradition and feel, unbeholden to any strict rules or written recipes. Measuring ingredients is done by feel and practice. Goat, sheep, and horse meat is prized, and while it features heavily, it is consumed carefully and with no waste. There are dozens of inventive ways to cook intestine, stomach, marrow, and brain. What cheese that can be prepared in camp, or on the move, also forms a major part of their diet. Milk sauces form the basis of most stews, and it is not at all uncommon for an entire group to simply throw together whatever they can find into a large pot which is enjoyed by all. My consulting chef Targigoth, after reading my first draft, placed me in a headlock until I promised to clarify that the stews are not as simplistic as "throwing whatever they can find together." When I asked for clarification, he only shrugged and said "you have to know what's good and what's not so good."

\page ### Closing Credits Thanks to Matt Webb for the inspiration. Matt can be found on Tiktok as Matt Stormcrow.
Simon Sweetman can be found on INPRNT.
Lucas Firmino can be found on Artstation.
I was unable to identify the specific artist for the Goblin image, but it belongs to Wizards of the Coast.
Damon Westenhofer can be found on DeviantArt.
Scott Murphy can be found on Etsy.

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