Dead Sea Almanac - April 18, 2019

Today's featured brew is perfect for a romantic getaway, or for apologizing to one's wife after a particularly unwise series of decisions. The famous Cupid's Liquor, which comes in a heart-shaped bottle and smells vaguely of strawberries, is just the ticket for a raging significant other or that shy girl you met at a tavern. We swear by it ourselves, and find it a most pleasing love tonic for all purposes.

Stats

Cupid's Liquor is an alcoholic love potion of unique character. Rather than making the target fall in love with the first person they lay eyes on, it instead merely encourages them to express their deepest romantic desires to the target of those affections, whether that be someone they just met and find interesting or an old friend they have been avoiding asking out for years. Any character who consumes a full draught of the potion, which tastes of strawberry cordial, must make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw; on a failure, they lose all romantic inhibition for twelve hours and attempt to woo whoever catches their fancy with no regard for the consequences, believing themselves the perfect suitor for such an individual (or multiple individuals, if the character has multiple love interests). The potion doesn't change who a character has feelings for; it just makes them very bold about those feelings, and in fact grants advantage on any Charisma check targeting the object of their affection (because it makes them, hilariously enough, quite suave). Be sure to make your players play this "suaveness" up as much as possible; it makes for quite a good laugh.

A Story From the Frontier

A young woman know as Ellen Wraithsform came into our office today, beating the wanted posters by a mere hour and thus going unarrested. She gave to us photos of the town bursar in a most... ill-advised and... amorous situation. We had a good laugh at the photographs of the good Sir Peter Miller but refused to publish them out of respect for the empire's decency laws. Nevertheless, we were happy to pay the young woman fifteen crown for the story, which we regretted upon finding her out a wanted criminal.

The editors congratulate Sir Miller on his romantic successes but remind him that a married man should consider his wife to be his greatest success in life, and also the greatest expenditure of alimony checks to which he is entitled. We also question whether having a man of such character in public office is advisable, although he certainly seems to be popular with the female electorate!

In Other News

  • The fireworks emporium is missing rockets again, for the third time this month. Perhaps someone is pilfering them?
  • A cow outside of town has started making cheese instead of milk.
  • A knife-throwing contest is to be held tomorrow for the chance to take the lovely Lady Cassandra on a date.

This Week's Wanted

1d6 Wanted Individual Bounty
1 Marcus Linacre 200 GP
2 Ellen Wraithsform 80 GP
3 The Fire Fiend 140 GP
4 Jason Tire 65 GP
5 Lathan 80 GP
6 Captain Clarke 140 GP
7 Important NPC -
8 Player Character -
Marcus Linacre

Still at large, the notorious killer is wanted by police and other authorities so that he may be put to death for his crimes and prevented from killing again.

Ellen Wraithsform

This young wall-walker is wanted for unlawful practice of the magical arts, four counts of theft, and procurement of illicit information from a law-abiding citizen.

The Fire Fiend

This fiend has been seen around Malfavhar's tower to the north-east. It is requested to please present itself for questioning regarding the buring of the Adams Family Farm in Eastbrook and the incineration of two cattle. Barring that, a bounty is placed upon its head.

Jason Tire

One of the villainous Robert Marston's lieutenants, the one-eyed henchman is wanted in connection with humanitarian crimes against the empire, and a bounty of dead or alive is placed upon his head.

Lathan

The fey responsible for the chupacabra incident last week is requested to please present himself to law enforcement, or we will be forced to do it for him.

Captain Clarke

The notorious Captain Clarke is said to have been seen this week in Westport, and is wanted for immediate hanging by authorities on seventeen counts of piracy and one count of unlawful harassment.

Important NPC

An important NPC is wanted this week in connection with the wrongful death of a traveller's horse when it broke a leg avoiding him.

Player Character

One of the players is wanted this week on suspicion of conspiracy to commit piracy and conspiration with the notorious Captain Clarke, in whose company they were seen two nights ago.

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